Hi.. I'm new here, so you'll have to excuse me for being long-winded or sounding more confused than anyone here.
With that said, I would really like some advice on something that's been bothering me for some time - a girl I really like named Anna.
First, I guess you're probably wondering how much do I like this girl? Well, I've known her since September and I find that I can't spend one day without having her in my mind. May it be worrying about her health, school, or just thinking about the how beautiful of a person she is, I can't stop thinking about her.
Now, how close are we? We've gone out several times to dinner, movies, comedy clubs, or some cafe to have coffee and talk. I try to call her about every three days or when I can within a week. She's very busy with her studies as I am with work a lot of the times. Her only free times are on the weekends and only in between studying for finals and practicals. Me, I have plenty of time on weekends.
As for phone calls, when we DO talk, it's usually for several hours. I try to keep the conversation alive for as long as I can 'cause I... well, I just like talking to her A LOT. I'm almost always the one to call her, but that's ok.
Ok... so, what's the problem? I'm very confused with my relationship with her. It's pretty obvious that I'm going after her, but it seems really difficult to woo her. No, she's not avoiding me because she's willing to go out with me. But, it seems that she's been keeping a good distance between us. She's a very cautious person and probably doesn't want anything to interfere with her school work.
I don't want to hold her back or make her think that she'd be restricted while in a relationship. I just want her to know that I'm here for her. I don't expect her to do anything different except to open up to me - to trust me and lean on me when she needs that extra support. She might feel that she doesn't have the time to have a boyfriend. I want her to know that I understand this and that we could work around that. She doesn't have to spend every second with me because I know that's not possible with both our schedules. (She's on her second year in college studying med, while I'm a commercial artist in a marketing and advertising company.)
Anna is a very good girl. I don't want to scare her off either. Still, it's very confusing and has made my heart go through many ups and downs. It would be nice if I could just ask Anna for a yes or a no and get on with life. But as with everything, timing and patience is everything.
I don't know... It just feels that I want to just ask her to be my girlfriend.
Unfortunately, knowing Anna's personality, I feel I would only jepordize what we have by putting this pressure on her.
This feeling of not knowing really sucks. I know many people say it should be an awesome feeling - the hunt, the game. Yeah, but love shouldn't be just a game, but a feeling - a form of mutual happiness. Unlike some of my friends, I'm not going after Anna because I feel a thrill of it or because I just want a girlfriend. Instead, it's because I like HER. And I want her to know this. Maybe she does know this, but by my ignorance in telling if she's acknoledging it, I'm stressing out.
With many situations in life, I either have a form of control, know what will happen, or have enough confidence to make up for my igonorance. But with Anna, I'm actually scared - scared that I might do or say something that might make me lose this chance I was given. By saying this, I'm admitting how important Anna is to me.
Don't get me wrong, I AM cherishing every second I spend with her, whether it's on the phone or in person. But as patient as I can be, I still wish it was a lot easier. I'd hate to create high hopes for myself, only to have them come crashing down later because she's not interested or that the timeing wasn't right.
Again, this is very stressful for me. Mostly, it has to do with my personality and the way I think. It would be nice if everyone had a greenlight and redlight built on their neck or something. If I get close to Anna and there's a green light, that means she likes me and I can ask her out. That way, I'd at least have a clue......
Now, Valentine's Day is coming up in about a month. I was adviced to use that as a chance to see if she has feelings for me. Ask her out on that day - if she says yes, then she's interested. She says no and then she's not. Unfortunately, there's a few things bad about this. First, it's a whimpy way to do things. Is it fair for me to use this day to pressure her into making a decision? That seems wrong to me. Also, since this year, cupid's day is on a Wednesday, even if she wanted to go with me, she probably couldn't because of her school work.
Of course, if I don't ask her out that day, she'd wonder why if she actually did like me.
I think I'm just confusing myself by thinking too much. I'm trying so hard to be considerate and fair to myself as well.
I was thinking about just talking to her about how I feel about her the next time we see each other. Ok, so why not? Well, the new variable is that she just asked me to help her out with a favor for her Uncle. The ONLY favor she's asked of me in all the time I've known her.
If I say anything about bf/gf relationships before I help her Uncle, wouldn't she think that I was indirectly blackmailing her in that I wouldn't help her Uncle unless she comits to me? Ok, then what about AFTER I do the favor... If I mention anything immediately, she would probably thinking that I was expecting that as a reward and that I had alterior motives in helping her.
What should I do? When do I ask her out? How do I go about asking her?? WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?!?!?!!?!
If you've read this far into my message, then you probably have an answer for me. Please... any and all advice will help.
Thank you!
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Ranma8
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