2004 Presidential Election Canceled

Bush Cites National Security Concerns, Inconvenience

WASHINGTON, April 1 — President Bush announced today that the 2004 presidential election will be canceled due to the war on terrorism and other scheduling conflicts.

Although the U.S. Constitution expressly mandates that presidential elections be held every four years, a little-known clause in the USA Patriot Act, which Congress hastily approved in the wake of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, gives the sitting president the option to cancel a presidential election and remain in office indefinitely if he deems it in the national interest.

In a brief statement from the Oval Office, Bush said, ""A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it," adding, "My administration is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

Upon hearing the news, Democrats on Capitol Hill promptly rolled over and capitulated.

Former Vice President Al Gore was unavailable for comment, as he could not be immediately resuscitated.

Experts agree that the election likely would have been only a formality anyway, with Bush currently enjoying approval ratings unmatched in presidential history. The latest Fox News Opinion Poll put Bush's job performance rating at 165 percent.

The 2004 Re-Election Security Act is the latest in a series of presidential initiatives intended to bring Americans aid and comfort during a time of unprecedented fear and uncertainty. It comes on the heels of Bush's highly touted Economic Security Act and Energy Security Act, as well as the more controversial Snack Food Security Act.

The cancellation of the election is expected to save the oil, energy, accounting, tobacco and gun industries an estimated $50 million in expenditures over the next two years. Instead, the corporations will be asked to make voluntary donations to a new pet project Bush announced today.

Under the plan, known as the Mt. Rushmore Security Act, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Theodore Roosevelt will be joined by new stone carvings of both George W. Bush and his father, former President George H. W. Bush. A dedication ceremony will be held on the first Tuesday of November 2004 in lieu of the presidential election.

It is not clear when, if ever, another presidential election will be held. But congressional researchers announced today that they had discovered another obscure clause in the USA Patriot Act that sheds some light on the matter.

The clause, buried in a subsection called the Bush Dynasty Security Act, states that in the event George W. Bush should ever leave office, anyone not named Jeb, Jenna or Barbara is expressly prohibited from governing the country.

From http://politicalhumor.about.com

In the ninth month of the new century
several idiots of retarded mind
will bring forth stupid verbiage
which will be believed by others of retarded mind
in the city of 'dork' they will converge
they shall board a small yellow bus
and press their lips to the glass
and no longer will they be allowed to play
with sharp things

Nostradumbass 1654
---------
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokes.htm

Report: Bush Knew of Canada As Early As Last Summer

According to a report published in this morning’s Washington Post, President George W. Bush has been aware of the existence of Canada since last summer.

The report claims White House officials were tipped off last June that there is land mass of roughly 3.9 million square miles with a population over 30 million inhabitants neighboring the United States.

The information surfaced after a federal agent in Minneapolis allegedly heard strange disturbances coming from the north last spring, around the time of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

"It sounded like thirty million people saying ‘hey, pass me another Molson’s, eh’ all at once," wrote the agent in his report.

He immediately informed headquarters in Washington which then sent the message to the White House.

The Bush administration has thus far not acted on the information, despite repeated reports of Canadian infiltration into the United States during the figure skating competition at this year's Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City.

The news has been sending shock waves throughout the country’s political punditry, curling rinks and fifth-grade geography classes.

"It is an outrage that so many of these foreigners can just leap across our border, become an anchorman or appear on the cast Saturday Night Live without anyone raising any questions," said Haste Dimbulb, the popular radio commentator, in his morning address broadcast live over the Dubuque taxicab dispatch system.

"No wonder our hockey team got so good all of a sudden," remarked Bob Richards of Denver, Colorado when told of the news.

Love,
Greg

Luv,
Rainbow~

(but I hope GWB doesn't read that thing about canceling the 2004 election, and get any ideas...eeeee)

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aries:
gotchya~!..ok,time for some humour...
-------------------

2004 Presidential Election Canceled

Bush Cites National Security Concerns, Inconvenience

WASHINGTON, April 1 — President Bush announced today that the 2004 presidential election will be canceled due to the war on terrorism and other scheduling conflicts.

Although the U.S. Constitution expressly mandates that presidential elections be held every four years, a little-known clause in the USA Patriot Act, which Congress hastily approved in the wake of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, gives the sitting president the option to cancel a presidential election and remain in office indefinitely if he deems it in the national interest.

In a brief statement from the Oval Office, Bush said, ""A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it," adding, "My administration is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

Upon hearing the news, Democrats on Capitol Hill promptly rolled over and capitulated.

Former Vice President Al Gore was unavailable for comment, as he could not be immediately resuscitated.

Experts agree that the election likely would have been only a formality anyway, with Bush currently enjoying approval ratings unmatched in presidential history. The latest Fox News Opinion Poll put Bush's job performance rating at 165 percent.

The 2004 Re-Election Security Act is the latest in a series of presidential initiatives intended to bring Americans aid and comfort during a time of unprecedented fear and uncertainty. It comes on the heels of Bush's highly touted Economic Security Act and Energy Security Act, as well as the more controversial Snack Food Security Act.

The cancellation of the election is expected to save the oil, energy, accounting, tobacco and gun industries an estimated $50 million in expenditures over the next two years. Instead, the corporations will be asked to make voluntary donations to a new pet project Bush announced today.

Under the plan, known as the Mt. Rushmore Security Act, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Theodore Roosevelt will be joined by new stone carvings of both George W. Bush and his father, former President George H. W. Bush. A dedication ceremony will be held on the first Tuesday of November 2004 in lieu of the presidential election.

It is not clear when, if ever, another presidential election will be held. But congressional researchers announced today that they had discovered another obscure clause in the USA Patriot Act that sheds some light on the matter.

The clause, buried in a subsection called the Bush Dynasty Security Act, states that in the event George W. Bush should ever leave office, anyone not named Jeb, Jenna or Barbara is expressly prohibited from governing the country.

From http://politicalhumor.about.com

---

BEUHH!!

Sounds like my worst nightmare! But I would not be surprise if the little rascal had thought about it before!!