Heeelllo Everyone,

My daughter sent me this email this morning, thought it was funny!

The Mole Family... a mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.

One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell is....


Get ready.....


Are you sure you're ready?


You may never forgive me for this one...


MOLASSES!

lol.

Hi Suchi!

If you guys happen to run across or have any goofy jokes and stories for
early morning cheering up, do let us in on it, we can use some laughs!

Here's some stories...

A friend of mine worked at Kmart for a while. He was stocking shelves one day and needed a stepladder for the highest shelf. Somehow, he arranged the shelf so that he was several feet away from where the stepladder had been, leaving him stranded on the shelf. He wound up having to ask a customer for help.

Back during the days of my wayward youth, a few friends of mine launched a campaign to blow up Port-A-Potties. Unfortunately, the ones they blew up were in the back lot of the local middle school. The school was under heavy construction, so the Port-A-Potties were the only bathrooms the school could use.

I know it probably SHOULDN'T be funny, but I can't help thinking about some kid raising his/her hand to go to the bathroom and being told they couldn't because someone had vaporized the "bathroom".

In 10th grade, the same friends and I spent the night at one's house for his 15th birthday. One of them (we'll call him 'R') had a rather bad temper (Aries Mars and Merc opposed Pluto) and so two friends and I delighted in bothering him so that he'd come up with one of his characteristically inventive curses. "Bothering" R usually took the form of us taking off our socks and the socks of everyone who was asleep and putting them on R's face. We did this at this particular party. We selected someone else ('L' this time) to do the dirty deed.

I was pretending to be asleep, so I didn't see what actually happened, but what I heard was R saying:

"Mmgh. Nnrgh. Grof. What the..? Ew. EWW. L, you put the socks in your MOUTH? Ugh. Oh, God."

"L, you are WALKING FILTH."

And of course there's the story of my adorable but occasionally less-than-intelligent cat. I live in a townhouse, and the living room where the family computer sits is located directly to the right of the stairs. The stairs have a large, half-wall to the right of them.

One night, I was at the computer and Spunky (the cat) wanted to play. I was a bit frustrated with what I was doing, and so I threw his toy a bit harder than I intended. The toy sailed over the half-wall by the stairs.

...So did Spunky. He wasn't hurt, which was good because I could barely breathe due to laughing so hard.

Ah, memories...

Cute, Cristina.....

Do you know why cannibals don't eat clowns??????

Cuz they taste funny....


Do you know why daddy bears can't have babies???

(okay now my turn to be forgiven)....

Cuz they don't have cubby holes....

That's all...

Luv,
Rainbow

Rusty....I enjoyed your stories......got a good laugh...

Luv,
Rainbow

Funny stories Rusty!
Your friend must have felt pretty stupid. How embarassing!
I like that Port-A-Potties one...teacher couldn't let kids the bathroom cuz its vaporized!
Poor Kitty!

Ginny, Oh, that is funny!!!

Years (and years) ago during college times, I had a cockatail named Wow. I had a small party with some close friends at my parent's house (gone to Vegas), and one of my friends lit up a joint and start blowing smoke at my bird. Well, I did not realize that soon enough cause I was busy preparing snacks in the kitchen. Well, anyways, when I came out of the kitchen, I can hear my bird wooting like crazy. I looked at the perch where she was at, and poor thing was so stoned that she was hanging upside down going "Woot, woot, woot...". Poor baby, but it looked so funny!

Rusty, Once at a slumber party at my friend's house when we were teens we got a little goofy and started shooting pickles through the fan. We all thought it was hilarious but my friend lived alone with her father had to do all the house cleaning so she got mad at us and threw us out and locked the door.

So here we are outside in her back yard in our pajamas and Tina had to go pee real bad. So we told her we would hold a blanket over her so no one could see. It was very early in the morning and she is under the blanket doing her business when the paper boy comes riding up on his bike. We all looked at each other and grinned and lifted the blanket off of Tina. Needless to say we all got a good laugh and the paper boy got a good show. Tina was not a happy camper though. God, we were mean!

Love, Connie

Once we were all at Belle Isle, which is an island in the middle of the Detroit River. They have this huge fountain on Belle Isle with colored lights and everyone hangs out around the fountain. So my friends and I all got our scuba gear on with the goggles and attached air pipe, and the flippers and we go walking up to the fountain and climb in and do our scuba diving for all the money they threw in making wishes. Everyone is just looking at us like we are nuts.

We didn't keep the money though. After we had our fun we threw it back in the fountain. We were crazy but not dishonest.

Love, Connie

Yesterday, my cousin came visiting because his exams are over and he has nothing better to do at home. My granny lavished her darling grandson with lots of attention. That means stuffing the boy with all the food she could lay her hands on. lol.

After a big lunch, she placed a cup full of grapes in front of him. He picked up a bunch and noticed black ants running all over them. My granny had been in a hurry earlier in the day and had forgotten to put the grapes in an ant-free safe place.

Needless to say, the ants were having a good time and my cousin held up the bunch before my granny's nose and cried "Ants!" My granny was gearing up to watch her afternoon soaps on TV and didn't pay attention to the grapes. Plus, she's hard of hearing. So her response was, "Yes, yes, they are nice. Now eat them." She meant the grapes, ofcourse.

It took about four hours and two attempts at explaining things for her to realise what had happened My cousin and I were rofl.

EOS

Some people actually do eat ants, chocolate covered ants! Yuck!

Love, Connie

I can't win with my daughter... she's 18 now but she can still wind me up. A couple of weeks ago she was complaining about me not being around to look after her, she told me that I neglect her and have always neglected so she has to do things for herself and that I don't treat her like an adult. The other day, she wanted an appointment with the doctor so I said ok, here's the number ring up and make one. "No", she says, "you do it and I want you to come with me". I said "but you are an adult now, you are always complaining that I don't treat you like one, it's time you learnt how to do these things". She then tells me that it's my fault she doesn't like doing these things because I always wrapped her in cotton wool and wouldn't let her try things for herself. I replied, how can I have wrapped you in cotton wool if I am a neglectful parent who never did anything for you. "Because", she said "you wrapped me up in cotton wool and left me". So I guess that makes me an overprotective, neglectful parent.

Love Gladeyes

LOL EVERYONE

Oh Gladeyes - I had to laugh - I can just hear myself having the same sort of argument with my own mother - teenagers can twist ANYTHING into such bizarrely circular logic, it's mind blowing!

Here's my contribution to the humor - #5 and #7 are my favourites....

Love,
Terri

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which
readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of this year's winning entries:

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctolog

The Canadian government has changed its mind about sending troops to Iraq to help now.

They're dedicating 10,000 troops and 3 warships, which after the exchange rate is factored in amounts to 3 mounties in a canoe.


(I heard this one yesterday and I'll have to read the rest of these a bit later!)

This is such a fun thread. Thanks for all the laughs .


Sabra

ROFL Aries That was a good one.

Love, Connie

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired
and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading:
"George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye
spare some victuals?" he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor
condition. "No!" she said rather sternly.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she said again.

"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"

"No!" by this time she was fairly shouting.

The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.

"D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?"

The crowd had cornered a woman and was preparing to stone
her.

Jesus raised his hand and spake, "Let he among you who is
without sin cast the first stone."

From the back of the crowd a small woman picked up a huge
rock and staggered toward the poor victim.

Jesus pointed a finger at her and said, "Stop it MOM! I
was just trying to make a point!"

Love, Connie

Funny Stuff Guys!!!

Hi Everyone!!

Here's an interesting email my cousin sent me!

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons" where
<:)> means a smile and
<:(> is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by :-) and :-( respectively. Well, how about some "assicons?"

Here goes...


(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_o^^o_) a wise ass

( _ E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass


SEE ATTACHED!!

You have just been e-mooned! Send this to others and you will be blessed with people laughing at your e-mail.

(But who wouldn't want to e-Moon a friend?)

Happy E-MOONING!

That is so asinine .

Assuredly one so astute would not assume that we could assimilate so many gluteal remarks without assembling some sort of rebuttal.

lol. What's a swishy ass?

Walk behind a Scorpio lady in a nightclub EOTS - THAT's a swishy ass

Love,
Terri