I've been thinking about all the hype surrounding 5-9 relationships and I sometimes wonder if it isn't all misplaced.

The reason is simple. The whole basis of the "5-9 is best" argument is similarity of nature. Belonging to the same element brings empathy. True. But, much like Linda said about 1-1 relationships, the similarity also extends to the negative qualities of the element. For example, two water signs together is a whole of emotions and hyper-sensitiveness for one relationship. Sure they can be more understanding of each other's traits than most others would, but what if they both get offended by each other at the same time? Then who tries to be understanding of whom? Who ignores their own pain and tends the other's wounds? And if one of them does manage that how long can they keep doing it until they start feeling like a martyr?

May be it's just me, but when I think of someone who'll always put your feelings first and be willing to lend a shoulder and a hanky while you cry your heart out, I always think of a mother and a friend. And I think what makes a friendship often more reliable in that sense than a romantic relationship is that there is always a certain distance in a friendship in comparison to a romantic relationship. We tend to be more tolerant of and unintrusive towards a friend than we are of the person who's vying for the spot of Mr.Right or Ms.Right. There is more space in the relationship is probably a better way to put it. And I do think that 5-9 relationships can make for the best friendships if you can learn to ignore the attraction involved.

Sure, they make terrific flings as well. But, for something more long term would you be better off with someone whose nature is different than but compatible to your's, a.k.a. a 3-11? The right mix of space, sympathy and the rather manageable challenge inherent in the task of living with someone who's not exactly like you?

Bottom line: Have we gotten our tags a bit mixed up? Should the "great friends" tag go to the 5-9 and the "ideal for 'happily ever after'" tag go to the 3-11?

I want to reply to this, but I have to remember which one a 5-9 relationship is first. Is that a sextile? I take it the 3-11 is a trine right? I've forgotten... I'll come back and comment when I have some more time tomorrow.

No, no. It's the other way around. 5-9s are trines and 3-11s are sextiles. Didn't you read the bit about 5-9s involving the same element?

Hey

I've wondered about this too....Its been a long time now since I was single and conducting active research into the subject but it seems to me that I agree with you, Eagle - 5-9 is a great pattern for friendship, but doesn't automatically bring anything deeper. Trines are like that though, aren't they? I mean even when I get a good trine transit to my own chart I have to be conscious enough to work at the energy and use it to my advantage. Its flowing and harmonious energy, but not very results-oriented. And actually, I kind of lump 3-11 into that category too, for similar reasons.

For real fireworks I would take the 4-10 vibration - which I think is the one that hooks up people of the same modaility - the Cardinal, Fixed and Mutable signs. So the drive and purpose of the lives are similar and matched to each other, but the differing element adds spice. And a straight opposition is a good one too, for passion. Of course, I could be saying that because my opposite is Aries and they tend to be passionate anyways....

Of course, I am going to add the stereotypical astrologer caveat - one really does need to look at the WHOLE chart. Matt and I have the 4-10 vibe going on and a couple other "fireworks" sorts of aspects, and the whole relationship would probably have blown up ages ago if it weren't for our trine Moons and Ascendants - my Pisces Moon trine his Scorpio one, and his Pisces Ascendant trine my Scorpio one. All that water in common does help us flow together through the harder times, and gives us a good base of likeness about the important things - but I think that if everything else was that easy between us, then that would have been as bad for the longevity of our relationship as the rockier aspects.

Balance - says the Libra - is key...

Love,
Terri

I hear you! And I knew someone would give me the "look at the whole chart" comment. hee hee. I realise every 5-9 is unique, but I was just talking general sun-sign theory rather than practical application.

You may be right about the 3-11 but, I'm not so sure of 4-10s. I agree that some conflict is better than none, but I don't want too much of it either. I am short on patience and have a short fuse as well. And then there's that Pisces moon that would just soak up all the negativity and feel drained of happy energy! So, it's a matter of personal preferences, I suppose.

Although, most of my good friends over the years have been Aquarians (all girls though and at least one of them had water and earth infleunces). And there was usually an element of love-hate involved. There was no scope for an emotional connection though. It was always more about having fun, hanging out together, having long-winded discussions, getting into petty arguments and being downright childish or agreeing that most people out there are so darn weird (the "we're different" club )! Too intellectual and detached for romance!

I'm not even sure I should consider Leos after taking note of the cat-fights and loud arguments I have with my granny. Two big egos together...hmm.....

I've never come across any taurean guys and frankly I find their description a tad boring. With the females, there's usually a bit of jealousy involved (typical 7-7) and if there isn't a downright unsavoury experience, it's generally a "let's keep a healthy distance" kind of vibe. The only taurean I've ever actually liked as a person is Connie.

So, there you see why I'm not very hopeful about 4-10s or 7-7s either? ha ha. And I have a feeling that except for mutable signs, it's usually easier for people of the same element to get along than those of the same modality. Fireworks are fine, but you don't want to set the house on fire, is what I say. *adjusting granny glasses and searching for walking-cane*

So, I suppose it does boil down to the whole chart thing. A mix of those trines and squares or oppositions would be ideal.

Love is.....

too darn confusing!

Sometimes I'm convinced that being single is good for your sanity!

Hey

I just remembered - my Scorpio sister is married to a Leo guy, and they are a pretty happy couple. I haven't looked at his chart for a long time, so I don't remember what else they have going on between them, but in terms of a very superficial Sun Sign comparision, I'd give them as an example of a good Scoprio / Leo mix. It works because she's obviously in charge, but lets him think he is.

Love,
Terri

Aha! Thanks for the tip

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So, there you see why I'm not very hopeful about 4-10s or 7-7s either? ha ha. And I have a feeling that except for mutable signs, it's usually easier for people of the same element to get along than those of the same modality.

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Easier for mutable people? I disagree... I'm a mutable sign... I get along with other mutable signs, but on the whole, I'm simply not attracted to them. Pisces are generally too morose and dreamy for me. Geminis are too bizarre and there's some sort of undercurrent they have that I don't like. The ONE Saggy I've ever had an interest in was only after years of knowing him, and there were still elements of him that really annoyed me. As far as relationships go, I don't think that the 4-10 (at least in my experience) is honestly that great. Their tendancies tend to annoy the crap out of me so much that I end up not really being able to connect with them and they therefore override any attraction I might have to them. I actually seem to have more chemistry with the signs that are a little off (I don't know the numbers ) like a Virgo-Libra or a Virgo-Aqua. Something that's not neccessarily the same element or modality.

However, I will say that my attractions are USUALLY based on element, I think, even more so than modality. I get along perfectly fine with fire and air signs, and in fact, I think I get along better with them as friends (probably because I like to have fun and I also like to debate quite a bit), however, generally speaking it will take longer for me to really be attracted to one of them. Earth and water signs however, are the opposite. It's just a different sense of unspoken understanding, more emotional I think, and that's why it seems to me to more automatically work. Although, the one earth sign I honestly haven't had a thing for is Virgo. Seriously, Virgo guys don't impress me. Maybe they're too much like me. Ha. Pisces don't usually impress me either... Like I said, too morose and/or dreamy and a lot of the ones I've known have been quite short.

It seems that my CLOSE friends are either fire or air signs (usually Aries, Libra, Leo, or Aquas, rarely Saggies and no Geminis at all) or they are Scorpios. lol. I just like Scorps all around I guess. And if I had to pick the modality of the majority of the people who are close to me in my life, it would definently be fixed signs. I'm not quite sure why that is... Maybe it's because I'm SOOOOO mutable.

Actually... I think if I had to pick a vibration that was best for me personally it would be the 3-11, and not so much the 5-9. I do get along with the trines, but earth signs being the way that they are, it's not so much that they are similar to me... I actually sometimes enjoy that aspect of it, it's more that they can bore me to tears. I have a lot of fire in my chart, and if they have too much earth I simply get bored.

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I've never come across any taurean guys and frankly I find their description a tad boring. With the females, there's usually a bit of jealousy involved (typical 7-7) and if there isn't a downright unsavoury experience, it's generally a "let's keep a healthy distance" kind of vibe. The only taurean I've ever actually liked as a person is Connie.

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They aren't boring so much as... the everyman. That's not to say they aren't creative or different. That's not true at all... It's just that a lot of them prefer to be homebodies or they enjoy activities that the "average joe" enjoys. The guys (at least in my experience) tend to have a pretty crass sense of humor. They seem to be very body and environment oriented though. Many of them take good care of their bodies, but some of the ones I've known will also tend to go overboard in whatever their "addiction" is, whether it be exercising, sports, fast food, drinking, shopping, driving fast, etc.

Anyway... Getting back to topic, just looking at the relationships in my family, what I've always thought was odd was the fact that most of them are the signs that are a little "off" and not convergant in either element or modality. Like Virgo-Aqua, Aries-Scorpio, Aries-Virgo, Libra-Pisces. If they aren't one of those types, then they usually are the 3-11 vibration, like my parents with the Aries-Aqua thing going on... We have one 4-10 couple (Aqua-Scorp) though, and they do ok I guess.

As for friends... Well, the only ones who have gotten married so far are the two Cappies... And then there is the Libra-Scorp marriage coming up in May. I've known quite a few Virgo-Scorp couples that get along pretty well though.

And, as always... Of course sun sign is not enough to make an accurate report on it all anyway, but it is still kind of fun to look at it.

Looks like our experiences are pretty similar, Carrie

No, I wasn't saying it's easier for mutables to get attracted to each other. I just said that it's easier for them to get along with each other. There generally isn't an ego or stubborness problem involved. The most harm they could cause each other is probably talk each other's ears off.

Yes, I've had a lot of air sign friends too. Then again, my own chart has quite a bit of air, so that makes sense. BTW, those numbers you couldn't remember were 2-12 and 6-8s. I definitely had a 6-8 thing going when I first started "noticing" guys. My first two crushes and to-date the most intense I've had were both Geminis. I don't know what it was about them, they just attracted me like flowers attract bees.

So, I think there's some truth to that 8th sign = sexual attraction thing that Linda talked about in Love Signs. Or it may just be because I have a Libra stellium, I don't know. But, it's a fact that Geminis or people with gemini tendencies have the ability to annoy the hell out of me. So, I don't think I'm ever going to fall madly in love with a gemini and live happily ever after. Unless, of course he has loads of sensitivity!

Aries however is a slightly different story. It's kind of like taurus is to me. Many rub me the wrong way and for most, I prefer keeping my distance. But, I have known Aries people that I really admired and liked, which is not something I can say about most geminis I've known. However, aries guys....hm....nah! From what little I've known of them, I suspect they all have a caveman hidden somewhere deep inside them. Some may do a better job than others of hiding him, but most fail miserably.

I get along marvellously with librans, but many of them are very obviously sugar-coated pills. You can ignore that in a casual friend, but being in a relationship with one is not something I'd enjoy. Not that there aren't any of the more honest types of libran guys, of course.

I've had good relationships with the few saggies I've known. But, nothing too intimate. Sadly, I feel they don't think much of me. So, even when I've been mildly interested in a Saggy, it always felt like they didn't even notice I existed. Saggy guys can really make me feel like a teeny-tiny, nearly-invisible ant. And I have the feeling that most Saggies (atleast the guys) would find a Scorpio a little too intense for their liking. They're the care-free sort you know. So, usually, I smile and wave and let them pass. hee hee. No saggies, thank you.

That leaves Scorpio. The one fact that I can confess without uncertainty is that it's VERY rare for two Scorpios to get along! It's the ego thing again. Atleast one or both have to be the milder sorts of Scorpio, then may be there'd be some chance of making it work long term.

Hi Suchi,
oh, no, no, the tags aren't messed up at all. You know, I'm a Saggy with lots of Libra in myself, plus an Aqua Venus, but, so far, you could chase me with the Aqua guys I knew and I never crushed for a Libra, either. They both nice for friendship (and I know several), but long-term- partnership, heck no!
I've been quite happily mated with a Lion with Scorp Moon and Scorp ASC and both our Uranuses con that ASC... And even now when we are friends still. My very first bf was A Lion, too. And we've always stayed in contact. Right now I'm dating a Ram (first time ever), but it's nice, too. We haven't come to terms yet as to what or who we are for one another, but if we decided on coupling, it would be a 5-9 again. I suppose that the question of what or whom you're happiest with has much to do with the element your 7th house falls in. Mine is Aries - so let me have my 5-9 ners . But the deepest (even though never consommated in the sense of "getting physical") love I've had with a Piscean man ( and I don't mind the 4-10 at all, we've had a Venus-Venus and a Moon-Moon conjunction, among other things), who will always and forever have a place in my
So, no, no, just leave the 5-9 tag where it rightfully belongs.

Kitty

Hmm...That's an interesting comment about the 7th house. That might explain why I find the tags a bit skewed. Mine is Taurus and all my 3-11s are earth signs like Taurus. But, Taurus itself, I'm not so keen on, so.... I think I'll a bit of all the combinations After all there are so many planets in our charts

Yeah...

Mine is a 7th house Taurus too, and while I've had things for Tauruses before, they're usually not as intense as the things I've had for Scorps and Capricorns. But again... Same elemental axis.

Suchi,
I haven't been keen on Rams, either... I'll turn 30 next week and as I told in the posting before, it's the first time ever that I'm dating one and slowly get to know him better.
Love,
Kitty