Greetings,
I have pondered replying to this thread. I have known Daf for 5-6 years. Through both our good, bad & uglies. So said, I trust Daf will know what I am saying and know judgement has no purpose or intent in my reply..

I know intention & reception are two different beasts but I`m gonna reply anyhow

Daf,I understand your "burning" and feeling "indignant"; you put it out here on a public board so responses are expected, some of which may not all be pleasing to you.

In a divorce, there are 3 sides to the story: the Mothers, Fathers and the childrens. To listen to one side is not a balanced effort to see the entire picture. One can`t paint a black picture and white wash the rest.

Cause and effect comes from both parties and should be acknowledged. It takes two to tango as the adage goes. The children suffer our sins and always will. That`s the sad fact of broken relationships and people



I simply pray for you Daf and everyone involved.May the peace and love you seek heal your weary heart.

Love,juni

It's late here...or early. However you want to look at it.

She fell asleep and is peacefully snoozing away after an evening of finishing each other's thoughts..adding to them..spiraling off of them.

It was a night of deep conversation..about the future (Thanks Jim.) It was a night of reaffirmation..bonds of laughter and understanding. Tonight was a night of separate time, and together time (mostly the latter)..it was all good time. Time well spent, for a change. No...not spent...time of my life...invested finally. Something meaningful and real..that even if only a dream, is worth the time taken to witness. I am so sticking around for this dream.

Tonight we exchanged fragile sides..and the concern we both felt was touching..beyond touching, it was medicine..perhaps to us both. (I do not presume to speak for her..but there was a look in our eyes that seemed akin one to the other.)

Tonight..I am more certain than ever that this was right and I wouldn't change a thing. Karma and life know what I have coming. Let them bring it on. I am so ready. So happy.

Today I was singing love songs in the stairwell at the Macomb County Courthouse..man that was awesome (The echo in there is amazing.)

Today a bailiff came down 6 flights of stairs to let me know that I sounded great and that a small crowd had gathered upstairs to listen, but that I'd have to take it outside because court was in session. Where am I going to find a stairwell like that?


(Also..tonight my dear, dear friend Tink finally got an email through to me!! )

That's your update. Thanks for all of the open words and kind smiles. Thanks for the sober advice. Cheers!

daf

Enjoy your Idyll, brother.

The world will come caling soon enough.

Duncan

I'd like to thank everyone for keeping it real on this thread. This thread is about self-exploration, and the amount of delving into our past, issues, personal perspectives and feelings on various very personal topics that have been written here..is truly inspiring.

I must come here every day these days to re-read the words left behind. Thank you all so much. Juni, thank you so much for keeping us in your prayers. All of us, including those in Colorado. I know how strong your prayers are..what strong medicine you have shared with us. Especially thank you for that.

Today hopes to be eventful. Will update tonight as time and conversational immersion allows.

A song for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_e4PxtQ-Fw

Love,

daf

Well,

It's only a matter of minutes before she shows up to take me to meet her parents. I've met her Dad, he seems like a really nice guy, but boy do I get nervous when he's around. Mr. Words runs out of clever things to say pretty quickly. I wonder why that is? Perhaps I shouldn't have asked for three forms of ID from my daughters' boyfriends..

daf

Hey Daf,

Just wanted to say that you have All been in my thoughts and prayers as well. Seperation/Divorce... been there done that. Not easy for any involved, and many different perspectives and experiences around it. Much to you my brother. Be brave and pray for the greater good of all involved. You will know the answer.

~Kel

Somehow that lead singer in the video reminds me of you, Daf

I agree with what you said about separation and divorce, Kel.

All are in my prayers as well. I believe that where we all are at this time is exactly where God wants us to be. It's all a part of the Divine Plan for our lives.

Where I am at this time of my life with illness and all makes me daily have to remind myself that I am not the pilot of this airplane of life or the co-pilot. I am only a flight attendant and it's up to the pilot and the cock pit crew to navigate the plane to it's destination.

I know from past experience that if I decide to take control the plane is gonna crash. We only have today. The past is gone and the future is uncertain. So I believe in making the most of today.

Hi Daf,

That is so wonderful that you have found a new love who makes you feel alive again and have recently reconnected with your brother and met his family. I am so, so happy for you. I wish you all the best with your continued healing and getting your new life established. What an exciting time for you. I hope you will find nothing but peace, happiness and love. Your Cancer Moon must miss your children immensely and I hope and pray they will be back in your life very soon. My thoughts and prayers are with you all in this time of transition. Please continue to keep us posted.

Hello everyone,

I suppose it's been long enough that I've hidden away in this lovely meadow without so much as a peep. So here's your update:

Wow.

The End.

(just kidding)

Well, for starters..I have never met anyone like the lovely lady I am currently with. She is everything I've ever thought a partner could be. We are considerate to one another. We care for one another. We like musicals and poetry and books and astrology and mysticism. We sing to each other..we play guitar for each other. But it's more than that. It really is..known..to both of us.

There is a psychic connection..quite for certain. I'm not sure how it works..it seems to be based upon mutual concern. I won;t say anything about something that's bothering me..so as not to bother her. She'll bring it up shortly thereafter. She has noted occasions where the same has happened.

Our synastry..for you astrology buffs, is pretty mind blowingly off of the charts. I'll let Lisa share that with you. She's really the astrology expert around here.

We've rented movies and not watched them for a week...if ever. The conversation is too good. The ideas flow..the music is amazing. She's so..my gawd..perfect and I mean with all of her human failings and frailties..her very...very gentle insecurities.

Early on we made a pact of 100% honesty always. It's been difficult at times..but successful.

But there's more. I'm changing again..in such a dynamically new, yet familiar way. She is teaching me without my knowledge..but with my full participation. I find myself drawn to emulate her very gentle and admirable ways on a daily basis.

I am open..honest..secure and truly feel like..I am home.

There is more...but the home cooked manicotti is kicking in. I'm a bit old to be stuffing the pasta away like that. But who can resist impeccably cooked, Italian leftovers?

Fill you in on more later.

Love always,

daf

A LOVE SONG for Daf!!!

The Beatles ~ And I Love Her

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x8fNDfdjXd8


Sharing in the LIGHT BE-cause it's so BRIGHT!!!


Bless You Both, Much Love Too You

Let Your Love Shine Forth, for it's Very Nurturing & Contagious

Thanks for the song Solane. It's a favorite with both of us. Thanks also for the very sweet comments. I'm just not much of a correspondent. Sorry it took so long to respond.

In other news:

Wow again. We watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and we both got it, and we both cried and we both enjoyed watching it together very much. I'm not sure I can explain in words what it is that I'd like to describe here. It's an all encompassing relationship by all means. Our likes are practically identical, except where its helpful for us to have differences.

At least 6 of the major aspects in our synastry talk about very deep soul connections. I'm definitely feeling that here. It's insane..and yet its magic too. What I've always dreamed of in a relationship. Lisa is compassionate, patient, sensitive and fun. She is intelligent in the extreme and deep beyond my wildest expectations. She thinks about the same social issues that I do. She sees people in much the same light, but in many ways with so much more wisdom and understanding than I've ever been able to muster.

She is my Teacher. I find myself motivated to improve my character, my habits, my appearance..all for wanting to be worthy of a place at her side.

Isn't that crazy? Isn't it wonderful?

In even OTHER news:

After years without anything..I managed to record two songs in one day. The ad for the show is out there now, and we've gotten a response, and found another possible guitarist candidate for putting the Freedom Show together.

I'm so hopeful and motivated. I'm so fired up and ready to take it all on. The whole thing..without a moment's hesitation. This is all I've wanted to do..my entire life. I want to make a difference. I want to inspire change. I want to play a part in ending this madness that surrounds us.

I feel like it's off to a good start.

As long as I keep my focus on doing the right thing and cherish my blessings..this cannot fail. I feel it very strongly.

I'll get more into the transformations in my personal philosophies that are being brought about by these dramatic and miraculous changes in my life...when next we chat.

Have a great one...best you ever had,

daf

Awww. This is so wonderful.

I really hope I'll be able to find some kind of love, similar to what you two share, some day.

Lots of love to everyone.

How can we not be moved, but instead amused, by the parade of human misery?

How can we listen to the audience titter at the humiliating acts of a fool...and not remember our own humiliating moments? How do we find it within us to laugh with them?

Each moment is a lesson..each moment a test.
What have we learned? Do we pass?

The thoughts running through my thoughts this morning sped off in random directions as usual. It's never been conducive to completing things. It's rarely been something I would change.

Who am I to apologize for the advantages of this flaw or my wildly inconsistent nature when they have done nothing but lead me to connection after connection?

And the sight of those droplets streaming down the shower sides once again brought connections together that I'm not sure words will adequately encompass this time around. (Blame that on the weed or me, your choice.)

It was the shower water sewing its way down the tub floor to the drain, taking much of the cleanser I had just scattered (and stared entranced at stoner-style)down with it.

Along the sides, rivulets began with the formation of a few droplets here and there. Straining at the gate until their turn to suddenly race down the side, taking more cleanser with them as they went.

Another notion whizzed out of my consciousness on its own journey into Nature, and her tendency to cleanse herself. How her action seems random, but her methods are constant. How with nothing more than water and gravity she had created a womb, a feeding tube, a carpool and a toilet. Nothing short of amazing. Still, another thought was already calling my attention to its own personal distraction. And I'm nothing if not curious when curiosity's called for.

This thought tore off into the struggle of living things and how it relates to gravity. How gravity pulls all things down into recycling plant Earth and how the only indicator to the system that you are actually alive and not meant for the scrap heap, is your motion against this, away from this...your resistance to that force pushing you inward and pulling you downward. I began to think of cycles. Just then another thought swept me off my feet and into the fourth dimension.

There I saw that even living things that repeat the same cycles appear as immobile objects. Dead to all appearances except for the occasional deviation which flickers by so fast as to be unnoticeable.

Another whim of mine walked hand in hand with me through my life, and to the donuts I had done from dusk til dawn from work to home like those around me. I wandered a moment, then sat here and wrote this for you and I to wonder about.

daf

Hi daf,

So glad life is going so well with your new love. I quite appreciate what you were expressing about your psychic connection, and what an indescribable gift that is!

In rereading the thread, and my last post, and Connie's thoughtful response, I want to add that in that post I was in no way advocating enabling the sick person, sacrificing yourself out of guilt, nor was I advising against separation. I definitely did not mean to imply you should not be divorcing or that you should not be with your current love. I apologize if it sounded like I was advocating that.

Was simply sharing, in respect to the ill person, that for the sake of her and your children you try to speak of her in loving terms, that you know she is simply ill and needs help, and that people will lend a hand should she one day reach that place where she is willing to be helped. And this need not interfere in your present relationship. She just needs forgiveness and the understanding she is not being her real self while she is under this sickness. I also have empathy for what you must have endured from what you told.

Best wishes for your continued happiness as well as peace for all of you.

Alright, so I talked to my friend today.

We're both fed up. I have the words and the balls. He has the people and the balls. We're going to start patrolling for cops that are ticketing people...and we're going to intervene..en force. I guess we'll know then..who they really serve..the People or the State.

I don't know what to expect..but we've both decided this has gone on too long. We're going for it. Screw it.

He gave his word...I gave mine. There's no turning back now.

daf

Well friends, acquaintances and casual observers..

It's been a while since the last update. Mainly I'm finding my life more interesting than the internet these days. Sorry..just being honest.

We've begun the fight..so far so good. My buddy in Colorado has started spreading the word, and it looks like his friends like the idea of mass resistance to traffic tickets. Again...wish us luck.

The process of looking for people to jam with has also begun. I've got music tearing through the front of my skull and it's literally driving me mad. Got a call from a guy off of craigslist. He says that he and his friend get together for acoustic sessions and they are looking for a vocalist and a drummer. I can sing..or so I've been told. Wish me luck.

It is still my contention that if I continue to focus on this lovely lady and her needs, that as I treat this child of God, so too will God treat me. Don't mistake my intentions though. I love her for the love in my heart, not for any hope of some reward or in hopes of coaxing karma. No, this is truly my pleasure..what a wonderful heart she is! Wish us luck!

I called my brother day before yesterday. He wants to come up for a day or two and help me get a sales route going. He's really an amazing businessman(Capricorn.) He takes a little capital and makes it go a really long way. The day I called, he'd made $1100 just hustling from place to place..selling novelties out of his van. Man, freedom and funds like that could come in handy right about now. The job situation here is exactly as bleak as everyone said it would be. Maybe I'll grab my guitar and a tin cup and start banging away on the steps of the courthouse for change. Wish me luck!

Anyhow, thanks for following along..if indeed anyone still is. I'll try to keep you updated more frequently...but no promises. I'll just try...that's all. Wish me luck.

Happy Mother's Day all of you mothers out there. Take a break...you probably earned it. Here's wishing you lots of luck!

Love,

daf

P.S. It was amazing how quickly folks stopped communicating with me as soon as Lisa and I got together. I wonder what that means? Do I have a bo0ger? Did I fart?

That`s between you & Lisa



That`s a two way street old Friend; who have you communicated with lately? Maybe I have an e mail from you & overlooked it

The only way to have a friend is to be one. – Ralph Waldo Emerson ...

Things have dropped from me. I have outlived certain desires; I have lost friends, some by death... others through sheer inability to cross the street.

Virginia Woolf

love,juni

, juni

I've been thinking a bit on the different sorts of people. There are certain personalities that always seemed...out of place in this world to me..but oh so well suited to human society as it stands these days.

And I wondered, knowing as I do that God(dess)/Great Spirit/The Flow makes no mistakes and that everything is proceeding as it is meant to, what might be the purpose of this?

It seems obvious to me that they are playing a role. But what is the role? When they are strong on the outside, but weak on the inside? When they are successful in their material pursuits, but such miserable failures in their spiritual ones? When they knock you down..and try to keep you there?

Is it as Brother Ray said...just Brother Sandpaper smoothing out our rough edges? Showing us, through our own inner reactions, where our spiritual weaknesses lie?

Are they beacons of greed, hostility and indifference that are meant to "sweat" similar beings from the pores of the masses so that we can see them better? Birds of a feather..flock together. Is that perhaps their purpose here?

Is it all to see how bad things can get when we DON'T heed the Will of our Maker..go with the flow..so to speak?

I don't know the answers to these questions. Perhaps it is a bit of them all.

I will have to watch the beast in me when it comes calling..to understand better the nature of our common failings and their purpose in the process of the unfolding.

daf

P.S. Juni..I've called you many times..but you weren't home and answering machines and I don't get along. Perhaps it's not for now. (Ask my Dad about me and written correspondence. Some writer I turned out to be.. :P )

Hola again everyone. Sorry to have been absent so much. This making a break from the "reality" of day to day into the reality of where I choose to be isn't exactly a piece of cake.

Since the previous updates, I've gotten a bit of work, which makes me feel better about things. Public Worx finally got a bass player that's sticking around..and we're sounding better every day. I'll post a song at the end of this.

Lisa and I still spend our days very much in love. I'm not sure I could be doing any of the things I'm doing now if it weren't for the amount of love I receive..and am finally able to give openly and honestly.

It's a rare thing this life. All topsy turvy, and as I told my brother, it's only hard to let go the first few times. Letting go is coming much more naturally than before. I'm so glad too..so much to do, so little time. Still a lot of work ahead.

Peace love and rockitz,

daf

Public Worx - Days of Innocence

Days of Innocence
(for public worx)

They call our childhood
those days of innocence
they weren't innocent at all.

And all those fairy tales
that they promised you
might turn to nightmares
when you finally see the truth.

You won't quite believe it
you can't help but feel it
something's amiss in the room.

We used to laugh and play outside
How do you like your 9 to 5?
Maybe children don't obey sometimes
'cause their souls won't let 'em.

Why are we drifting away
from where we were before
those days of innocence?

Why are we giving away
the best of what we were
for what we haven't spent yet?

Ahhh
those days of innocence..

If I follow you
will you follow me?
You go run and hide
I'll count and try to find you.

These are the finer things
back to reality
we've got no time for each other
we spent it all in the factory
on the line.

Why are we drifting away
from where we were before
those days of innocence?

Why are we giving away
the best of what we were
for what we haven't spent yet?

Why are we drifting away?
Why are we drifting away?

The other night we sat together and listened
to Public Worx recorded session for the night,
as we do and I feel so happy to share with you.

After a long day's physical labor
and then going straight to sing
your heart out,
poor baby, you were finally exhausted
and fell deep asleep.

I stayed awake and listened to the complete
session in the candle light;
mesmorized-- blown-away,
thinking of how for so long
these beautiful songs
were something you had
to hold all inside yourself,
going 'round and 'round your head...

and the wonder and blessing (and relief)
of having your creations finally be freed
to share;
finally given their Wings to Soar
out of you and BeCome.
To have found your band-mates
and come together as magically as you have;
other's who understand
and help you bring your visions
to life.
(and you, theirs)

You guys have something so special here,
something meant to be Shared
and Touch others with.

I'm excited for You to hear
that from objectives sources...
a bit more believeable perhaps
than coming from the woman
who Adores You.

{give a listen,to the link above, guys,
if you can...
it's amazing, really}

I've spent the mornings
harvesting thistle flowers
the calm took me away
I've spent the afternoons in thought
while plucking at their petals
did you know the how of making cheese
or vinegar's unknown?
did you know it takes at least 3 minutes
for stick on stick to glow?

Did you know that the things we take for granted
will be taken soon away?
Did you know that waves
which may cause pain
will wash our pain away?

Did you know that it is not the quest
but the journey that sets us free?
It's a simple thing
still who knows of it
but simpletons like me?

Find the things that you can do
outside the place you know
learn to stand on your own feet
and help the garden grow.

I spent the afternoon
harvesting chicory
and rennet of thistle flower
I've learned to burn
from stick on stick
and taken back my power.

daf

It was dark when we decided to leave for our meadow. It's a small tract of undeveloped land...approximately 6 - 10 acres of completely overgrown forest and meadow. The fact that it is only 5 minutes walk from here makes it much more convenient than the park..and if you'd gone there, you would see why it is certainly superior.

We brought little with us, except a couple of beers, a candle, our love for each other and a sense of adventure.

Crossing the road, we slipped, undetected into the woods..the constant whoosh of passing traffic fading into the distance behind us.

It was dark, but we weren't afraid. Cautious we were, but alive. Unprotected..but free. We'd found a slice of Eden and learned why it is infinitely preferable to sitting in a peak-roofed box watching a glowing box with occasional trips to the dry or cold storages boxes to pull out a drink box or a box of crackers.

We were out of the box, stumbling along through the darkness into the wonderland of that meadow. Snagged by pricklies, tagged by burrs..awash in it all, we came upon a fallen log and sat for awhile.

I suggested that we gather dry sticks and things to make a fire, and so we left our log bench and made our way to the edge of the wood, where the trees stretched out their branches like sinister arms..no idea what might be out there. No clue as to the dangers which we might stumble across..happily unconcerned with such things.

Returning to our sitting log with a few handfuls of tinder, we lit a fire, then I cracked open the beers. Passing one to my beloved partner where she sat, I marveled at the way the dim light of a slim moon caressed her face and caused the tall weeds to glow with life in her presence. You could almost see their colors, almost feel the breath of motionless life coming off of them between their occasional dances in the gentle breezes that blew across that open space.

As we talked, I fell into the grass; no longer apprehensive of what I might find there, or what might find me. There were no enemies here. There were only curious insects and hitchhiker seeds, raccoons going about their business a few feet away. They wished me no harm..they wished only as I do, to live and be what they were born to be.

Time passed..and as the embers of our makeshift camplight began to fade, we thought to leave that magic place..having fed our souls upon a few fleeting hours of freedom without fear.

We stamped out the fire and made our way back. Returning to our peak-roofed box, with it's glowing cubes of amusements and its storage boxes filled with boxes of square crackers and rectangular milk cartons. And though we'd broken a few laws when we'd left our little cell block at the end of the block, we'd done no harm so it did our hearts good..and our wardens were none the wiser.

daf