Why We Shout In Anger

Today I'm going to share a spiritual story -and- in unusual form, I'm going to share some insights of mine that go further than the story.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why We Shout In Anger"
- Author Unknown

A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked.

'Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?'

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout.'

'But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.' asked the saint

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.
Finally the saint explained, .

'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.

What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small...'

The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'

He looked at his disciples and said.

'So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return. They may end up in divorce courts, for instance.'


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Candidly speaking, I've been going through a difficult time lately. I have been working with a lot of different and challenging emotions.

A lot of spiritual paths like to just focus on "feeling good." But that's a slow path to transformation because it's an attempt to override entire lifetimes of subconscious programming.

Instead, I've found that it's most helpful to focus on understanding "negative" emotions. Through understanding, I'm able to transform them into empowerment much much faster than through positive thinking alone. Neuroscience is actually starting to demonstrate exactly why this is, and I'll share that with you another time.

For now though, I want to talk a little bit about anger and how it relates to your heart.

Whenever you feel angry it's because youe WANT something that you can't have in that moment. Maybe you want something from another person and they won't give it to you. Maybe you want something from reality that you can't have.

(such as a break from frustrating kids, incompetent coworkers, a nagging spouse, unwelcome weather, financial fears, and so on and so forth...)

In short, we expect reality to be one way that is negatively different from what we want.

That's why whenever I'm having challenges in life, whenever I feel upset, I try to remember to ask myself a simple but profund question:

"What do I want to get from this?"

Or phrased slightly differently...

"What am I expecting this person to give me that I don't feel I can actually have?"

With the recent challenges in my life, I asked myself that question...

And I was NOT prepared for what I discovered!

Many spiritual teachers tell us that we should give to others.

Give unconditional love.

Give gifts.

Give ourselves.

Give charity.

Give our world praises and prizes generosity.

Give service to others.

I could write for days on people have said we should "give" to others. One reason that giving helps is that it moves us away from the more ego-centric selfish mindset that is trying to "get." Instead, we shift into a more heart-centric space that has a little less "self" in it.

I have found this shift to be helpful, so I'd often go through a 2-part process to open my heart when I felt angry or hurt. I'd ask myself these questions:

(1) "What do I want to get from this?"

That tells me which needs within feel unmet. It indicates to me how I feel unheard or unseen. The answer lets me know how far I've strayed from my True Nature.

(2) "Instead of getting, what can I give?"

This tells me how to meet those unmet needs. It indicates how I can choose to be heard and seen. The answer brings me closer to my True Nature. And quite frankly, it feels good.

So when it comes to being angry, especially with people you love, take a few moments to explore what today's story is all about...




Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Spiritual Short Stories

Please leave me be.

This is not for you.

Thank you.


I see them again, Lord. The way they are..and it shames me.
To love them is my purpose, but I couldn't take it anymore,
so I closed my eyes and started swinging.

I'm so tired of taking it, Lord. I'm so tired..some days I just don't want to be in this one anymore. I don't know if I can believe in them..it hurts too much. I get so fed up with the insanity..Wake UP! Wake uP!..the feeling grows in me like an infection. I become so disillusioned sometimes that it sucks the marrow from my mind and leaves me empty. I'm so tired of being taken for granted. I'm so tired of being misunderstood. It's a beautiful life, but I'm so tired of being here this time, Lord.

Oh to be THERE again already, Lord. For these growing pains to be over. To look into their eyes and see recognition again..like the first time. Like in the beginning..when it was all new...and the show had just begun.

I love you.

daf

A sort of preemptive reply: Who asked you?


It's Thanksgiving again. After that it'll be Christmas. I can't wait for these holidays to be over. I can't stand them, I've never been able to.

I suppose it's different when you're surrounded by people you've known your entire life. But I don't have people like that in my life, and invariably I feel the closeness of their history and it makes me horribly uncomfortable. I feel like I should be jerking off outside of their window while they reminisce and laugh; a stranger leering in at private family moments that don't belong to him.

And I know that whatever they are feeling..is something that they enjoy. I don't know what you'd call it..belonging reliably? I haven't felt it often, if at all..so I couldn't say what it's like, or even come up with a clever turn of phrase for describing it. I just know that it's there..I don't have it, never have..and likely never will.

As a result, family holidays hint nothing to me of childhood recollections, reuniting or fun. They feel like unspoken inquisitions conducted between the lines. They feel like a yellow marker highlighting the fact that I belong nowhere..

Time to get back to the dinner..

daf

You did by posting publically....

Agreed. Not all who engage in the Holydaze see them as Festive.
In my Clan, we call them the Bermuda Triangle of Thanksgving, Christmas and New Years, where we carefully navigate into the unknown region of "anything can happen" and "WTF?" Going with the motions of what other people seem to be doing in all their delight. Never a comfortable time when dealing with sociopaths, alcoholics and those who should be committed.

However, it takes a long Time to real eyes, it is not about any of that.
It is merely a Moment to stop and take a deep breath and realize it's not what I don't or didn't have, it's about what I do have and am thankful for.
Even if it's nothing.
There is real joy in that realization.

Besides, belonging is overrated.
It is a myth Humanity sold Us so we judge our Selves from other's perspectives and feel dislocated.

In the Big Picture, we all belong to Life.

Peace to you Daf and Good Luck.

Thanksgiving .

Two words actually and both words have power. In that vein, it is not the pumpkin pie, family memories or commercial hoopla spread all over every surface of life that stirs my heart.
Oh, I do love the pie and chuckle at past memories much as the next gal The comercialism hurts my very soul but that`s for another day.

It is a time for humanity to unite in giving thanks to the Powers that Be for our blessings. Those we are Aware of and mostly the Blessings that pass by unseen as we live out our busy lives.

Giving is a gift of ourselves reflecting the Grace of our Creator.. Rather it be our time, our money or our Prayers, give til it hurts.

Give thanks for what you have and then give some of it away.

That = Thanksgiving in my Heart.

I'm just here for the PUMPKIN PIE, I can't lie. Bulch......

Let's get one thing perfectly clear. I am here because someone I love still cares about this site. Period. I am not posting for your entertainment, your amusement, your acceptance, your advice or your sympathy.

I am posting my thoughts online where someone I care about can find them and read them. If you choose to disregard a VERY clear statement requesting space because you have something OOOOH so important to tell me, then you are behaving like a rude pushy know-it-all. Back off Mrs., Mr. and Ms. Presumptuous.

Next time I see a Do Not Disturb sign on your door...guess whose breaking it down and commenting on your performance?

daf

And no, I didn't read a word you wrote. You might have thought twice before you posted them.

Welcome to my species. It's a lot like the inside of a sanitarium here, except the orderlies are crazy too.

I heard tell of a man who worked for 40 years to buy a house on wheels, then drove it twice and died. They say it happens often here.

A mother drowned her babies here..in the bathtub. Apparently their souls weren't clean enough for her liking. But she was the kind one. A normal mother here voluntarily sends her children off to be reprogrammed when they turn 5. And scolds them if they don't work hard enough at being brainwashed.

I watched them jeer at a man for announcing that alcohol was bad for them..because he had a drink in his hand. Seems to me, he would be the expert. They just called him a hypocrite. Mostly I think, because our race prefers advice..when they don't have to think too much about it. Blindly following a drunk or a hypocrite is too risky..regardless of how correct he may be.

Sometimes we'll stop a conversation or task or game to figure out who was to blame for some triviality or another. And then we won't return to the conversation, the game or the task...because we get too upset with one another while playing the blame game about nothing important.

They play a game here on our planet that never ends. They don't even have a name for it. Some don't even know they are playing..it has been going on so long. And all of the broken people try to glue themselves back together with the pieces of the other broken people. It would be tragic if it wasn't so comical. And it's only comical when it isn't in your face. Which it is. All of the time.

Very few people know what they are doing here. And so, many of them look for someone to follow. And some of the more clueless ones decide they have the ability to lead. And there is so much posturing everywhere. Everyone is trying to make themselves a leader, or push people down into the "mediocrity" of followerdom. And so the clueless pull the clueless and the clueless laugh at the clueless and the clueless follow the clueless; it resembles nothing if not a group of headless people dancing the Hora.

And sometimes I like to be as random as they are. Because anything goes in a looney bin, and I'm part of this looney bin. And here..is what it is like for me..living with YOU, and YOUR insane ways.

And they'll look at me like I'm crazy, and I'll laugh because I am..and the whole thing is so f---ing hilarious.

I mean it would be, if we weren't caught in the pit of its churning stomach. =/

daf

Ladies and gentlemen..

While exercising caution, please don't be alarmed by what you are about to see, hear, smell and experience. This is the drama of human life. This is its acrid stench and its heroic perfume. This is the taste of its turds and its tenderloins.

This is why we crawled up from the mud and into the streets of our own urban nightmare constructed upon the premise that the best person has the biggest steel and cement phallus shoved up the bum of the sky, I suppose.

And don't be alarmed by the imagery..it's raw and distasteful, but it's honest in a primitive way..and doesn't pretend to be benefitting you and yours while its stealing your view of the sky. Penthouse apartments aren't cheap when you're selling back a stolen sunset.

I digress..because I'm immersing myself in the carnival and so it feels real and comes off real and may even be real to the extent that the concrete consequences of my actions could come back boomerang-like at any moment in the form of a bone-crushing tag to the back of the skull.

I'm resigned to that...because this is the ride, and predictable rides are boring rides reserved for toddlers and their parents.

Which way to the vomit comet?

daf

I believe we're on speaking terms again, although he keeps doing the mental equivalent of turning up the stereo in his room full blast so he doesn't have to hear me.

But I'm being patient this time. He is scared, he is confused, and he is STRONG..so in the end he can be dangerous..deadly. But in the core of it, there's a little boy asked to protect the weak who found weakness where he was and became STRONG to defend himself. A loyal child who would knock a friend from the path of a speeding train despite any insistence that there is no train..and lose the friend forever, just to see them safe.

He's an honest guy. He used to be a trusting guy, but we all know how that goes...and goes away.

But I believe that for the first time in 8 years, we're finally communicating again. This time, I won't be so hard on him. This time, I'll be more forgiving. This time, I'll make allowances for his conditioning, for the mistrust of me brought on by his apparent annihilation at my hand.

This time we're partners in this thing. This time no one pulls, no one pushes, we walk side by side..and he will be comforted along the way.

This time no one holds the reins. This time there are no reins. This time the donkey walks willingly to the pasture; knowing it now not as prison..but as home.

The intellect can be our greatest weakness. You needn't ride on the back of a mighty ego beast for years to learn that this is true. The more easily we are bored, the more difficult it becomes to focus on seeing what we do not see. The more mighty the imagination, the more easily we are fooled into recognizing constructs of the mind as spiritual reality. The stronger the ego, the less likely it is that it will be willing to relinquish control.

The one saving grace of the intellectual mind, is it's constant need to know..and the possibility that this urge will lead it, through sheer curiosity, into the arms of God.

A man is being dragged behind a mule, bound and gagged, with the beast holding the rope in its mouth.

A molting spider, as weak and vulnerable as she may be, knows better than to crawl back into her old skin. A sloughed off skin is too small for what she has become: it would constrict and kill her.

Your new skin will be hard soon enough little spider, just keep standing in the sun.

daf

When we look into the eyes of anything, even our own eyes, we are looking into the eyes of the only TRUE being. When we stare upon the face or surface or form of anything at all, we are staring upon a face of that which is the only reality. These forms do not exist at all. There is only that one true sentience. You are that, I am that. This is that, that is that. The mind in its relationship with the spirit, must move much as we move through life..from selfishness, to partnership. Then, finally..it abandons itself to the common effort.

daf

We walk outside looking for love and find the world instead.

We demand that it loves us. It only rolls its eyes and walks away.

So then we beg the world to love us. It points, laughs or shakes its head in contempt.

Finally we go back inside, love ourselves, and the world comes knocking at our door.

As true as it may seem, it's rarely a good idea to tell fish market workers that they stink. (Particularly when you work at the fertilizer factory.)

Trying to walk the path under the influence of drugs, is like trying to stand up with a heavy net cast over the body. Stand first, then no net can stop you from standing.

I watched the grasses dancing with joy in the wind, each separate but whole, unique but common, alive and in love.

daf

The ego is not a bomb.
A thought is not a magnet.
Doubt creates the deception.

None are here to know..but to experience. If something is thought to be known how can it truly be experienced? The mind focuses half on the now moment, half on the past moment..the "known" moment.

To experience this moment is to experience this moment without prior knowledge and the expectations such knowledge fosters.

We are not here because we know. We are here because we do not know. To experience is all there is in the end. The surety of knowledge masks the truth of being.

First and foremost and apology to everyone I've offended on this board. Going through things excuses the behaviour in the moment, but not after the fact. I'm sincerely sorry for my behaviour.

----------------------

The struggle had been lighter for the last 2 days, but I could feel it building, I think we both could; each of us in our own way. As yesterday progressed, however, it became apparent that the fake self was getting desperate..and sneaky. We had a moment in the car that, if you knew us, you'd have known that neither of us was TRULY present in that moment. We snapped at each other, and we simply get along better than that. We never have. I started the ball rolling and had it not been for a moment of clarity in which I apologized, it could have been much, much worse.

This morning..things were iffy at best. Then I made the mistake of playing Quake2. Big mistake. It was as if I'd simply turned the key to the tiger's cage and it leaped against the door and bowled me over. And now it had me in it's claws.

Tried to re-center. Tried to re-center. Tried to re-center. Nothing was working. I failed my test.

I pleaded with God not to let me keep this up. Not to let me keep repeating this miserable cycle. To take me back, to take me back. This time I wouldn't blow it. This time I wouldn't throw it away if it was given to me. I promised. I promised. I promised.

The answer was granted temporarily with a: "We'll see."

And now I must keep my promise.

("I")ego trust + ego betrayal = distrust of authority = distrust of God.

mother trust + mother betrayal = distrust of authority = distrust of God.

sister's trust in me + my failure to protect her = opportunity to understand missed = my moments as "I", Mom and God = potential for forgiveness.

Big to you, Daf. Please know you did the very best you could in the place you were at during that time. Sometimes people are meant to go through certain experiences, as awful as they are, for their own soul's growth and there isn't anything anyone else can do about it unfortunately. You are loved, Daf, by the people around you, the people here and by so many others, especially by God, the One who created your beautiful soul.

As I combed through what early childhood memories remain, it occurred to me that there was a time when it seemed that I didn't feel lonely when I was alone. Then I believe my mother sent us away and everything changed. This brought up the thought that loneliness has nothing to do with body count in a room, and everything to do with a sense of connection. Is it that the ego self seeks to prove its existence by contacting and attempting to influence people and things outside of itself? Or that the All sees itself through our interactions with others and thus drives us toward connection through the sensation of loneliness?

daf

P.S. Thank you for sharing those lovely sentiments, Venus.

You are very welcome, Daf.

You pose some interesting questions here. I think you might be onto something with the second one. Have you ever read Neale Donald Walsch's Conversations With God trilogy? It's been a long while since I have, but if memory serves me correctly, he wrote about the All once being all alone and having no way of experiencing Itself. So All split Itself into pieces otherwise known as all of our souls so that it could have a way to know itself rather than just be. And now that All is experiencing Itself in every way possible through each of us as individual beings, the time will come when All will gather all of Its pieces back together again. Every time we remember we are One, we get closer.

I'm tired of waiting for a guitarist to come along.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L31MW9uf9r8

Into Darkness

You are the warmth
I am the flame
Nurture the needy
know them by name
and the winds of change
will carry yours along.

You are the stars
I am the night
Tender is cold
Where there's darkness
bring light
And the winds of fate
will carry you along.

Into darkness
I am here
It's alright.

We are both peasants
and we are both kings
because we're born and we die
without so many things

Guess our natural state
is being broke as balls
Guess our natural state
is being broke, that's all

Into riches without riches
into light
Into darkness
I am here
It's alright

Into darkness
I am here
It's alright

You are the stars
I am the night
Tender is cold
Where there's darkness
bring light
and the winds of fate
will carry you along

Into darkness
without fear
into night

Into darkness
I am here
It's alright.

Into darkness
I am here.

I've decided that I'm done writing for thin air for awhile. Readers have as much of a responsibility to writers as writers do to readers. This plant hasn't been watered for f--- by his readers. And f-- you if you don't like my saying so. I've never written for me, and I certainly don't write to get anything in return, but I also don't write to get NOTHING in return either. Screw anyone who wants to make me out as arrogant for taking freeloaders to task. How the f-- is one to even know if one is shouting to the world, or talking to one's self? I'm done with the apathy, the insecurity, the posturing, the arrogance and the f-- all mousy shyness excuse. I'm especially done with writing for folks that can't even say as much as anything to let me know how it was received. So I'M f---ing off for awhile. Talk atcha later.

Love,

daf

P.S. Thanks Venus. Thanks Maria. And of course the ever considerate love of my life Lisa for trying. If I overlooked you, you didn't water my ass enough, sorry. I can do more than write. I'll go do that for awhile. You are loved. (Cue defensive and or patronizing responses.)