Greetings, all

I'm not so great at asking for help. In fact, being a Leo with a strong Sun/Mars conjunction in the 8th house, I'm usually a "take charge, help is for sissies" kinda gal, but I'm afraid this one's going out as a big ol' prayer.

As some of you may know, my Disability pension hearing is coming up soon, on the 8th of July, at 1:00pm.

If you don't know my history, here's the rundown:

Six years ago, (July 15th, 2002, to be exact) I was in a car accident. It was a work-related excursion; my boss and I were going to get some files for my brand-new position. It was a job I loved, and could see a real future in; Operations Administrator for a company contracted by the Ontario Provincial Police - we handled the recruitment testing, psychological & physical, for new police recruits.

Having a military background myself, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I met a lot of great people, and took home a nice salary and benefits package. In fact, I had dreamt in the past of a career in this area, and was even entertaining the idea of becoming a cop myself.

However, this accident was a life-changer in the extreme. It completely messed me up, and my health; physical, mental & emotional, went quickly downhill afterwards.

To make a long story longer, haha, I developed an illness known as fibromyalgia; a sleep-disorder syndrome that screws up your sleeping patterns, slowly destroys your muscle & joint performance, and tends to take you down a long depressing road of watching your mental capabilities fall apart.

I made a mistake on the job three months after the accident, and got fired. After six years of attempting to get back into fulltime work, (failing miserably), enduring part-time jobs with crappy-ass pay, I ended up on social assistance.

Last year, I applied for a disability pension. It took three years for this to happen, as I've a healthy dose of Leo Pride, and refused to believe I was disabled.

But I am. I hardly ever get deep sleep at night, and now have excruciating pain in my hip and leg muscles & joints, so much so that a 20 minute walk now leaves me in tears.

I used to want to be a cop. I used to weight train, I used to run 3.5 miles every two days, and I wanted a CAREER. Now, it hurts just to stand straight and spend half an hour doing dishes.

Yeah, folks... I'm sounding it all out. Perhaps you might find me to be a big crybaby, as there are always those out there with more serious problems than I, and I struggle to hold myself in check, never really letting people know what's going on with me.

But there it is. I'm very depressed, and in pretty crummy physical shape. There ARE treatments available for fibromyalgia out there, but it is impossible to afford them, as it involves specially-made vitamin & mineral supplements, chiropractic care, deep tissue massage... and on a budget of under $200 a month, I'm lucky at the moment if I can afford a small bottle of Advil.

(Which doesn't do DICK.)

Anyway, yes, I'm rambling now, but here's the thing:

My first application for a Disability Pension was denied. I didn't give them enough information. Of course, I appealed, and an ENTIRE YEAR LATER, I've at last got a hearing date, for next Tuesday.

I met with my lawyer a couple of days ago, and we're ready to go in and do battle. But I'm a MESS. I'm PETRIFIED, and have hardly slept a wink the past few nights.

Please send me some good vibes, and say a prayer or two that things will go in my favour. PLEASE. If I don't get the support funds available for me, my health will only continue to get worse.

And right now, at the risk of sounding melodramatic, after six years of fighting failing health, I'm EXHAUSTED. I don't think I can do another round of this crap. My faith in my government, our health care system, has crumbled, and my faith that all will turn out well for me is non-existent. I'm usually pretty tough, but this Lion is out of courage.

With thanks, and love,

anessene

Prayers and good wishes for a positive outcome are and will be with you for Tues the 8th Tara.

Try your best to stay positive and keep the faith that all will work out for the best. Deep breathing, stretching/yoga work best for me when I am in a negative frame of mind.

Oh Tara, sweetie,

It breaks my heart to see my always sunny buddy so scared, blue and hurting. Here's a big and a shot of courage for you my friend. You are one of the toughest people I know and I have complete faith that you will get through this difficult time and emerge the winner. The first step to achieving is believing, and you already told us that you believe you are disabled. So victory in that courtroom on the 8th is sure to follow. You will have a ton of prayers and good luck vibes from me at 1:00 Tuesday. In the meantime, remember to breathe and hopefully it will relax you enough to get some rest in before the big day. You're going to be fine, sweetie. I just know it. Hang in there.

Halo Tara

I too am sorry to hear of Your story and terrible twist of Fate. It reads as if The UniVerse has other things planned for You other than the Career You had set Your sights on. And Being a very determined Leo, it may have taken You to this extreme to surrender Your Will to that....I can respect that. It is just a shame You are in such pain all the time and feel the despair you do
Not feeling Well is the most difficult thing a person can go through, especially when it is obstacled by financial woes as well. This is a major theme in our country right now, and makes me ILL just thinking about it.
You are amongst friends hear, and all ways open to the intimate needs of One and Other. Spread around and shared, it can be easily solved with the Power of Thought and Love. Both of which are bountifull around here.

In regards to the 8th....
The Moon transits from Virgo to Libra @ 1:31 PM that day....so you may get more justice and harmony if you can delay the actual hearing till then...
You may also want to sit in the North side of the hearing if at all possible.
Like Linda said, it has power over the South in even the smallest debates. I have witnessed this hundreds of times in my mindless discussions. Bring some of your stones with you for courage( Amber/Tiger's Eye!/Turquoise and Gold. Also may want to to dress in your colors....or even Libra pastels for a beneficial effect.
You have the Power! to change your Life, right inside of You. And God knows, it's no fun seeing a Lion with a thistle in her paw.

Prepare yourself for anything that may or may not happen.
By surrendering yourself as you have, you have opened the door to infinite possibilities...
now you just have to accept them in all the many ways they will come.

Get your house in order.
Nurture yourself in small ways.
Write down your intent and plant it with something to ensure growth.
Say a Prayer.
Take a deep Breathe
Look at yourself intently in the mirror
and tell Your Self
This Will happen.

C'mon Tiger.
You gotta lot of Livin to do.
Put the helmet back on and get in the game!

Ding. Ding. Round 1.

Let's go!

Good Luck and Keep Us posted.



Chahlie

Tara,

I am sure that you will do well - if your lawyer specializes in cases like this, then one, s(he) would not have taken it if there was a bad shot at winning and I am sure that it will go well for you!

Hey there, Tara,

I have 100 percent faith that you will prevail! No doubt about it. As you know, your situation and mine have so many parallels. I have roughly a book's-worth to say about this, and knowing that you have to go to the library to get online, I want to go ahead and hit "Submit" on this first note now so you know I'm sitting here writing to you and that there's more coming. Meanwhile, I love all the notes in this thread.

Maria

Dear Tara,

First of all, kudos for your Courage, dear lioness, for persevering through all that you have. "I hereby bestow upon thee the Medal of Valor," said the wizard, or words to that effect.

I know how tough it can be. First, the diffuse nature of the syndrome, where doctors can't get a good grip on it. Then the limitations in your physical capacities, the goofy things people say when they just don't get it and just want you to get over it, the precarious financial straits... I had the benefit of an established career and a company that first worked hard to keep me and then worked hard to keep me from going under financially, which softened some of the blows. Yet still, sometimes the frustration level was crazy-making. I know you've felt that! But you've come thorough this with a real sense of integral wholeness despite your disability, and I really applaud you for it. These kinds of struggles surely increase our depth perception. You can say that for them, at least.

Be prepared to tell the hearing officer, in the briefest, plainest terms, like you did here, how you were pursuing your career path with high motivation before the accident that triggered your fibromyalgia. And you have discovered, to your dismay, that the effects of the fibromyalgia have disabled you from working full time despite your best efforts. And be prepared to be as specific as you can about how the symptoms interfere with prolonged activity that is required to be performed within a set schedule. Five or six good sentences and a couple more in storage for backup and example.

Beyond that, if I were you, I would try not to overthink it all. I know the anxiety of thinking that a human being, who could be a saint or jerk or anything in between, is going to go through paperwork, then listen to a few words from you, your lawyer and probably a government staffer whose job includes taking a cynical look at claims, and then this judge is going to make a decision that vastly effects your means of survival.

It feels so risky, and that sucks!! It also sucks to get down to the point of participating in proving you're disabled, when you've just spent years of sweat and tears trying to prove to yourself that you're not, and that if you just do this and this, and will that, and gut-out the other thing, you can make it work and make yourself well and all that.

But it comes down to a bare-bones "this is what I can't do" assessment -- demonstration that you've gained, as the old prayer says, the wisdom to know the difference, even if the serenity to accept is elusive.

To the turbulent emotions of rushing, anxious feelings, say, "Peace, be still." And mean it. Beyond the thinking you do of how to describe the effects of your condition, just trust in being yourself at the hearing. "The system" does try to outlast claimants, even hoping some will die before their claim comes to hearing. Honestly, my lawyer made that point plain about the U.S. disability system. I'm guessing Canada is not so different.

But when it's at this stage -- your lawyer has prepared the case, your doctors have documented the medical situation, you have done your utmost to avoid this but have been forced to face facts that this step is required -- then you can rely on the fact that you have taken the needed steps and outlasted the system's delays. The hearing officer will be legally bound to make a decision based on evidence, on documents and testimony. You have the evidence, and you have the precedence of fibromyalgia having been a recognized cause of disability. Your lawyer just needs to lay it out so the judge (hearing officer, whatever) understands the facts.

The judge's duty is to make a factual determination. In lots of areas of life, and in lots of situations where we go in before strangers and where we know they'll be making some judgment about us, it's not the case that they have to decide based on facts. They make judgments based on anything or nothing, and we just have to accept that's so. But not here.

Sure, a judge may read whatever personal biases s/he has into the facts, and sure, things can end up being presented in ways that may seem inaccurate and colored, but I think you're on safer, fairer ground in your hearing than you will have been in many other situations since becoming disabled. This person must make a fact-based decision, and you've got your facts together.

You won't be able to control where you sit or the time of the hearing, even though I appreciate the spirit behind Chahlie's suggestions. But those things are set by the system in formal process. In fact, all that is up to you and in your hands at this point is your bit of the communication of your factual reality.

So go ahead and give up control over the outcome of this hearing. (There, now, doesn't that burden feel lighter?) I know it can be really hard to trust in the Universe, in God, and certainly in The System, when your experiences throughout this prolonged crisis have almost certainly brought you through periods of feeling betrayed by each and all of them. But go ahead and let go and trust in the outcome.

I haven't looked at the astrology, but I have some sense from what you and Dave and others have said that the astro weather report is fine. I'm really confident from the way it has come together and from having been through the process that your right to benefits will be recognized. So please don't sweat it. My advice would be to go ahead and kumbayah and be here now and trust that God is good after all ... in the long run ... and the universe has a self-righting mechanism.

Meanwhile, we'll surround the judge with psychic, spritual essence of wisdom.

Love & hugs,
Maria

So why don't you just get over it?

No, that's not right,
I'm so susceptible to suggestion. Who said that?

What I wanted to say is,
I Love You.

That's all the social IQ I have left.

I will look for pennys on the ground for you.
Those Fairies and Elves are always leaving them around for Luck, but geez, I wish they would leave a few Maple Leafs or Kugrorans once in a while.

One last thing, you're not going clubbing so wear regular clothes to court, and easy on the Jewelry.

Hugs and more Hugs.

Darwin

Noone could have said it better than Maria, so I won't even try...but my mom has fibromayalgia, so I DO understand....Peace to you Tara, and Love, and Abundance, and Faith.

Love,
Terri

hey everybody



To each and every one of you: Thank you. Thanks for taking the time to think of me, and for your support.

Kelly: Thanks for reminding me to breathe deeply. It's not something I do well these days, being so high-strung so it's a good thing to remember.

Trace: You've been a godsend, my friend, both here at the site, and in our long soul-baring emails. Thanks for being here for me during this struggle.

Dave: Thanks for being the astro "Go-To" guy for me. I'm grateful for your belief that all is looking good in the skies.

Chahldean: Ok, I've got the helmet back on. My biceps are sore, but I suppose this Leo boxer's got a few hooks and jabs left in her yet.

Maria: You're definitely the Good Witch on this Lion's path to the Wizard. Thanks for your strong advice, and for waving your magic wand.

Darwin: I Love You too. I found three nickels and two pennies yesterday, and two nickels and a penny today; do you think that's a good sign?

Terri: Thanks for having faith, my friend. (And I got your message; thanks so much, it means a lot to me.)

Phew!
Wish me luck and abundance and healing tomorrow folks! I'll be back to let you know how it goes.

Tara

Tara

I'll be with you in spirit at 1:00 PM sharp tomorrow. The luck, healing and abundance will be flowing to you full blast. And lots of wisdom and compassion energy for your judge. He or she won't be able to help but say YES! to awarding you your benefits. Just hang in there a little longer sweetie. Your ships are on their way into port. It's always darkest before the dawn, and your day of dawning is right around the corner. I'll check back in tomorrow to see how it went. ya sweetie! And keep the faith.

Kicking it into gear early here. I've got a fat day myself today. Tell you about that later. Sending legions of thought-angels to fly with you today!

For lack of an angel smiley, here's a small legion of Mr. Spocks!


Maria

Good luck today, Tara.

Hey all,

BREAK OPEN THE VINO, AND LET'S CELEBRATE!!!!!

I'VE GOT BENEFITS!!!!!!



I'm so excited, and relieved... WHEW!

It was tough, and a little grueling, to be honest, but my lawyer and I prevailed.

Astrologically-speaking, my hearing began a little after 1pm., so the Moon was VOC as we walked into the boardroom, but it switched to Libra shortly after. I swear, I could literally FEEL the energy change!

Just have a few weeks to wait now until all the papers are signed, blablabla, but I'm good to go.

And I don't think I would have been as calm as I was going in were it not for the knowledge that y'all were thinking positive thoughts for me.

You guys are the BEST!!!!



Love, and thanks,

Tara

Well good for you Tara! I'm glad you prevailed.

I'll bet you feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. Now you will have the resources you need to be able to take better care of yourself... in a few weeks that is.

Oh Tara!

This is so exciting! I am so happy for you sweetie. I just knew everything would work out. Thank god & goddess for those Libra Moons and double thanks that your hearing was moved up a week to meet one. The transiting Ascendant was in Libra at the time of your hearing too, so it's no wonder you felt the Libra energy so strongly. You also had Mercury and the Sun in the 9th house helping you out with legal issues and Venus (the ruler of the event charts 8th house ;)) slipped in there just as the Moon was turning Libra. The stars were definitely smiling on you today my friend. Pass that vino over here. I'll definitely break my fast and drink to this very special and blessed occasion.

Tara,

I am glad for you! Now, just all the paperwork has to be finished!

Hooray! Right on!! High five!!!

I had to go to a media walkthrough for the Democratic National Convention yesterday at the site in Denver. Talk about a goofy day. First, my babysitter forgot and slept waaaaay in -- even though I was pounding on her door and ringing the bell and phoning. It was nuts. So two hours after I had been trying to leave, she finally called. She was very sorry, and I was just glad she finally woke up so I could still make it for part of the program.

Then, believe it or not, I ran out of gas on the highway to Denver because my gas gauge has suddenly decided to be whacked. I did finally make it for the last couple hours of the deal and I did my best to gather everything I could. Sweated a lot on the way back because the A/C in my vehicle is shot too. Got home, checked the board for your news, said a silent hooray, got my kiddo home and passed out about 6 p.m.

And the good news is, I didn't get creamed on the highway. Who knows, maybe I would have gotten creamed on the highway if the babysitter had been on time and I'd run out of gas during rush hour. So all's well that ends well.

So glad for you, my friend. Things is looking up!

Maria

hey guys,

Thanks for the congrats... I'm still on cloud nine, feeling the anxiety slowing ebbing away from my tense neck and shoulder muscles... It took me a while to get to sleep last night; my brain was spinning as the news sunk in.

I suppose I didn't really believe it would happen, truth be told. I've been such a pessimistic chick the past few years that every time my soul said, "Relax!" my mind screamed, "RELAX?!! ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?!! WHEN DO I EVER GET A CHANCE TO RELAX?!!"

But as Maria put it, "All's well that ends well."

And things IS looking up! Now that mental "dream list" of all the things I want and need for my recovery is a "shopping list."

First things first is a tempurpedic bed! FYI, one of the biggies of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue is getting proper deep sleep, which I swear, I haven't had in YEARS!! But a friend of mine let me crash on his memory foam mattress once, and I had the BEST SLEEP EVER.

So, after it's delivered, hehe, if I'm not around for say, a week or two, it's because I'll be hibernating.

Ahhhhh, feels good just to think about it...

Maria, that was quite the day you had! Damn, I'm thinkin' you're right; something must have wanted you to stay away from the highway during rush hour! Very glad to hear that you made it through OK.

Tara

I got myself a real bed for Christmas, and I highly recommend it! Mine's a Posturepedic, and it does have a bit of pillowtop, but not memory foam, darn it! Even so, it's the best bed I've had, and waaaay better than the futon I had been sleeping on that was just wrecking me.

Have fun bed-shopping and sleeping!

Maria

It's nice that your shopping list doesn't have to be a wish list anymore Tara.

Boy Maria, you had one Wack day didn't you? I agree with your thoughts on it though... you were delayed for a reason, and it wouldn't have been pretty to run out of gas during rush hour.

Both beds you ladies are talking about sound nice, and I just wanted to add that if anyone is looking for a better sleep, but can't afford a good bed like your talking about I highly reccomend getting a foam pad you can put on top of your existing mattress. Get the 4 inch one though, 2 inches won't make much of a difference. We got one a year or so ago and love it! I sleep much better than I used to on our old King size mattress that my husband has had for years.

Hey guys,

Kel, that's a great idea about the foam mattress. Back at Income Tax refund time, I went out and got one of those myself, 3.5 inches thick. It certainly helped smooth out the coils I was feeling on my old, donated double bed mattress! And it only cost $100, so it wasn't too bad an expense.

And say, Maria, I've heard great things about those Posturepedic beds. I probably would be purchasing one myself had I not already experienced the memory foam magnificence.

<sigh> Feels so good to know that it's on the way...

Tara

Tara

Tara, I missed all of this ( I have missed so much for ALL of you )

But I am so Thankful that it all worked out and that you were in such good hands......now, some massage....

I have a friend who has fibromyalgia and she says massage works wonders for her!

Congrats on the win! I am so happy for you!

Much and Healing Light!

~Dani