Sorry to be so late in updating everyone. I sent this message out to Rainbowlight Circle in reply to an inquiry about me and wanted to post it also for others to let you know I am thinking of you in spite of being so quiet. Although I did elaborate on this message to RLC, it saves me from having to write a totally new message as I don't feel up to being at the computer too long at a time due to it giving me headaches. Mainly because I tend to hold my head too straight for long periods of time on the computer and I am supposed to be moving my neck from side to side frequently to prevent it stiffening up which creates the headaches in the healing process. Makes it hurt more not to move it than to move it.
It was 9 weeks yesterday, Aug. 23 since the surgery. I am still not healed. That may be normal under the circumstances. I don't know. It just seems a lot longer to me than it actually is. I am doing better but have a lot of struggles I am dealing with. Right now I feel like I am in limbo. I haven't updated or talked about things much because right now I don't even know too much myself. Not to mention that it is also my way of dealing with some things in my life.
I am blessed to be alive and doing much better than I was right after surgery. Over the past two months I have grown stronger week by week - but I'm not healed yet and I don't know what the future holds for me. Regarding the parathyroid removal itself, I feel much better and my energy was back right away. My coloring improved and the dark circles under my eyes are all but gone. I look better than I have in a long time. Inwardly I feel better. I have the energy but am not physically able to do all the things I want to due to the compications of the surgery. In my case literally the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. LOL I also have not smoked since surgery, June 16 , and so I am also dealing with the side effects of withdrawal. Although the nicotine and physical withdrawals are over ( that only takes 3 weeks ) I still have the psychological withdrawals to deal with. They take longer. My lungs are also cleaning themselves out and with a very sore neck that is no fun. Actually I have to say that not smoking is another blessing in all of this. I am sure I would not have been able to quit smoking on my own. After all, Smoke Stoppers finally gave up on me. At least they quit calling. LOL I also tried acupuncture to no avail. Admittedly as a smoker I was very adept in the denial process concerning my addiction. Most smokers are so if you are a long time smoker like myself it normally takes something traumatic to make you stop. At least with most folks. Some people even continue to smoke when they are told they have terminal cancer. My brother and sister in law both kept smoking telling theirselves that it would be useless to quit when they are going to die anyway. Maybe true, but there is no point in taking a running start at death either. LOL Least that is the way I see it.
Anyway, I did quit and I have no intention of ever smoking again. You know, you have to be careful what you ask God for. Quite a while back as I was struggling to stop smoking to no avail I asked God to help me stop smoking. I have had a dialogue with God since this happened and let Him know I intend to be a bit more specific in the future in how I word my requests. LOL
I see my primary physician tomorrow afternoon for a check up again and will let you guys know how that goes. I don't see the surgeon downtown until Sept. 16. My primary doctor told me in early July when I saw him that when I am feeling better and see him again ( tomorrow) he wants to order up some pulmonary tests and we will see where I go from the results of those tests. He also wants a complete blood work up he said to check my electrolytes and blood counts.
My neck and throat seem to be the areas causing the problems right now. Neck hurts and pulls and pinches from healing which is normal. Also although my voice is stronger now and sounds normal to me, I can only talk so loud and it seems still swollen enough to cause breathing problems when I talk. The air seems not to be flowing freely over my larnyx and vocal cords. I have to stop talking and take breaths if I talk too much. I feel that in the throat when it happens. Not in the lungs. They seem to be fine right now. I also need a heart check up from all of this problem with the lungs and I need to see a allergist and ears, nose and throat specialist to get a scope inserted down my throat to check and make sure all is opened up as it is supposed to be and that is all down the road. So right now, like I said, I am trying my best everyday to get better by the day, trying to be patient as I can be, putting it all in God's hands but questioning him ( nothing new there as God knows well
) getting depressed off and on, crying off and on, and some of that is from not smoking, the pychological stuff. I find peace in the thought that if I just knew where I stood exactly in this for the future and get on some treatment regime that I might need everyday I could easily adjust and accept whatever changes
Due to not smoking and well, sometimes just not liking what has happened in my life, I also get very grouchy off and on so maybe my not talking and posting much at the site is doing everyone a favor. LOL This awful weather we have had all summer long in Michigan and the effect that the heat and humidity and mildew and mold from all the rain we have had has on my healing has not served to improve my discomfort or my moods any. I am allergic to mold and mildew. My two maple trees have green fungus mold growing up the sides of them from all the rain. That makes it bad for me sitting out in my yard and it smells musty and mildewy out there and consequently indoors when it rains as well. Oh yeah, I can smell much better now since I stopped smoking. Sometimes as in this case, that is not so good. LOL
Even if I fail to update as often as I should, I want you all to know that it means a great deal to me and I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers and concern for me and Butch. Butch is doing fine. His doctor told him he did not need the chemo afterall and he is going in sometime in Sept. for a scope to check out his bladder again and his prostate. The dr. told him his cancer was very mild so there is no need to put his body through the chemo.
It keeps my spirits up knowing others are thinking and praying for me to get well and be my normal self again. Thanks and I am sorry to have been so uncommunicative but that is normal for me when things are going very bad in my life. I tend to withdraw and go silent. I just feel that even though we are all in this together, there are times in our spirtitual/life journey when we are called down roads that we have to walk only with God in order to get our bearings, find our direction and learn the lesson we need to learn. I think that those are the times in our lives when we are facing a major change in our journey that we can only look to God and work out with God. But I think of my friends always. I miss you all. I love you all very much and always will. I feel that when I do find out exactly where I stand heathwise and what I may yet face I can handle it. Whatever it may be. I am old. I am used to life changes and I have come to be able to roll with the punches and accept the changes in my life. Not always easily but eventually. But I have to know exactly what I am dealing with before I can adjust and move on from this point on. Your love and my love for you guys and my family does keep me going. It is what helps me muster up all my strength and courage to keep on going when I may at times want to just give up the fight. Ah, 'tis the nature of life. It does suck at times but the people in our lives makes it well worth the struggle.
Narrowed airways and a component of reinke's edema was the complications of surgery that I had for those who don't know. You can read about it on the internet if you want to know what it is exactly. I also had stridor which is life threatening. What caused it to happen is unknown but most likely due to the fact that in Jan. of this year at my regular check-up tests showed that I had the beginnings of a COPD ( Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) which was mild and needed no treatment. I was told that if I stopped smoking it would not get worse but would remain mild. This I was told at the same time I was diagnosed with the Parathyroid Disease. I blame no one but myself for all the years of smoking I did and for pushing myself to the limits and not getting the rest I needed prior to surgery. I do not blame the doctors or nursing staff at all. I cannot blame the men and women who saved my life when it happened and took care of me so good afterwards. What happened which caused the complications after surgery was most likely that the surgery exacerbated the COPD. All the doctors that I have seen through all of this fully expect that when this is all over and I am completely healed my lungs and everything will be will restored to the way they were before surgery. My vocal cords and how strong my voice has gotten in the past 9 weeks gives me hope to that effect. But we can't know for sure just yet. It's my prayer the doctors are all right about the prognosis.
It took me all day to do this so don't expect any more of these types of books from me in the near future. LOL But I am still with you and still thinking of you and I still love you all.
Love and Hugs,
Connie
The smell of cigarettes after that first week without them made me wanna puke. To this day, I can smell a smoker at 50 paces, and it still turns my stomach and gives me a headache. 
INFINITE LOVE 
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