.....that I wish I could stop by more often.

It's a blessing that business is up and thru' the roof.

It's a curse that it takes me away from that which really feeds my soul.

Miss you all.

Searching! It's so wonderful to see you here. I've missed you and your beautiful and cheerful posts so, so much. I hope time allows you the chance to pop in again sometime soon. I hope all has been and continues to be well with you.

Dani, it's so nice to see you here!
You are dearly missed.

I'm happy to hear business is going well.
A wonder full blessing in these hard times.

I understand how difficult it is to find time
for one's Spirit in the hectic and busy days.
Maybe it's something most everyone here understands,
as the postings are sporadic, yet even so the special
place it fills in our hearts make it an enduring
solemn prayer in simply Being here...whenever
time allows.

I found myself recently looking back to the beginnings
here, reading posts I had never read and hearing from
others I never knew. How special was the time here to them too.
And Greg. How excited he was at making a dream he held
close to his heart manifest. All the love and support all around from family and new friends. It made me smile to imagine how that must have felt.

I've wondered at times if I wasn't holding onto some part of myself from the past I didn't want to lose by coming here.
When I read those posts, I was assured it was much, much more compelling me again and again to here.

Beautiful Visions and Spirits (You being one of those )

Things of such wondrous meaning,
that the seasons of Time cannot wither away.

I love you and hope you and all you love are well.
Please return if you Can.

Halo Dani

How I love these Posts!
Like walking alone in an empty park
and seeing anOther doing the same...
real eyesing it is a friend who you "lost touch with"
pacing the same ground.

I am pleased things are well on your dirt
and hope it allows you to make frequent visits hear
as the Time is Right
to do so....

As Dove and Venus has pointed out
this Place is Special
because of people like You.

Many Happy reTurns~

Hello Dani !

I too wonder why there was once a time I could visit here so often

and now not enough time

What has happened to us?

PD

the special
place it fills in our hearts make it an enduring
solemn prayer in simply Being here...whenever
time allows.

Amen Blue Dove!

It's so nice to see we have never and can never lose our connection.

So glad someone left the door open.

LOVE Bump

Greetings Danny and all

I know you posted some months ago but wanted to say how wonderful it is to see you all in one thread

The business of making a living has taken us all on a varied journey over these many tough economic years. It is a joy to take a moment in time and stop in remember the folks who bring such joy into our lives.

... and that is YOU-all

You're making me cry with your posts about Greg.....
I miss him.......

There's so much happening....so much going on....my aspects are challenging the hell out of me....and I am So.....so....fucking it all up. Greg would be the first one to slap me.....Lisa, you would be the 2nd.....'Ria would be the 3rd.

There's no one safe.....there's no one real.....

I've cut my s-Elf off across the board....and now I am in a corner, looking at these people in my face, just screaming, these un-real people.....these undeveloped, unenvolved people....all wagging their fingers in my face...."The first thing you need to do is..."........ just screaming inside mys-Elf.......I almost cannot see this post to write it....it is the first time in months that I have come clean....come really clean with MY people.......

Dammit.......dammit to hell dammit.......

God you guys.......I've got to get back here........I've got to get sane again.......those people out there.....are any of you in retail???????????

Just tears now......I have'nt said it......I have'nt said it to anyone....I just kept moving forward....and diving deeper into the sludge..........I want Darlin' Dar to say something....somehow, I know he understands....

I'm sorry guys.....I'd like to be all perky and make you laugh....but you know what? There's a reason I've been gone for a few years........ and it's because there was a personal volcano, then an earthquake...then a few tsunamis.....a couple of hurricaines, a few tornados...we wrapped it up with a drought and a flood....all emtioonally. It's been a rough stretch...and whats really hilarious, is that those events are just 'leading'into whats to come for my chart.. ....and as well as I'm handling the current stuff..........dammit dammit dammit......

Please just never mind.......

Mental-Pause......

need

I'm sorry. Everything is just weird now, and I'm still trying to figure out how to handle it and still be (or at least fake) normal.



I love and miss you all.....and I will do my dammdest to put CE back in my regular day...for my own sake....

It's safe here. I forgot that. I'm sorry.

Hey You~

"Out there in the Cold
Feeling lonely
Feeling old
Can Yo hear me?"





I am glad you are hear.

We need You Now.


Please stay and Rant.
I am listening.....

with love and anticipation.

I HEART that quote above.

Come on back in here Dani and we all will listen and walk through this together.

No, I`m not in retail but I know it is a cold lonely world.
You are open to the negative energy suckers and over time it wears on you.
Balance that world with the love and positive energy you will find in this home away from home. We all have that break down moment and do remember, he`s not heavy he`s my brother/sister...
and united we stand here in our private world on the www.

I will look in often for you.

hugs, juni

With all of these fabulous icons Maria has come up with....there's not one that shows one of us flinging ourselves face down screaming and crying against John and Jane Q. Public......the best I can find is the icon that represents what I am trying to avoid:


That said...thank you all for hearing me....for loving me in spite of it all..and for saying that you will stand by me as I fight my way through it......and fight I will. I love you all.
Truly.........Thank you all. I love you all.

Juni my darling......I just re-read your post and completely collapsed on the keyboard in tears. Thank you. Thankyou, thank you thank you....it's been awful....screaming to my grave awful........Thank you.

I'm not in retail, but I'm in social services, and I can relate. I've had an INSANE past couple of months, except, in my case, its mostly just people wagging tiny past mistakes in my face- mistakes that I can't fix NOW. I feel like I'm losing it from being nitpicked at so damn much (so says a Virgo). At this point I'm just trying to see it as motivation to move on.

But yes, I also have A LOT of people to answer to, and it sometimes seems like it's exactly what you're describing. Everyone chanting 'me me me me' with their fingers in their ears and their eyes closed tight. All you want to do is scream.

This week has been one of the worst... I don't even want to celebrate my birthday at the end of this week, but a well meaning friend told me I had to. (My aspects are killing me too, since most everything my chart is at the beginning or end of a sign).

In any case, I haven't been on this site in a long time, but something told me to come along and check it out, so I did...

I hope that things get better for you and me too...

Dear Dani ~ {{{ }}}

It is safe here and we're here
for you always.

Greg would probably be the first to hug
You and let you know that it's ok
to make mistakes along the way,
especially as the world
is hurtling at you from all directions.
It doesn't make you any less
than you are.
It doesn't erase all of the
things you've come to know or Be.

I know just what you mean.
It's one thing to deal with John Q. Public
now and then
and it's another thing to be dealing
consistantly, day after day,
right there in the front line trenches.
A continual challenge
and test of endurance for sure.


I've missed You dearly
and so happy to see you here.
And hope you never feel
uneasy about being real
and honest with us.
It's one of your most endearing
qualities ( gosh, tearing up at that thought
right now...you are just SO beautiful.
Hope you know that!)

I'm off to the trenches myself just now.
But will return and am here listening
and ready as well to share
(god-willing, for what a gift!)

I miss Dar too...haven't seen him
around here so long, sure hope he's ok.

Enchantress! it's lovely to see you
here as well.
Social services...wow, all the things
you must see!
{{{big hugs}}} to you too.

Lovely ladies


Dani, I`m glad you can express your pain and share it. It takes a big chunk of it away to just know others love and respect you and your endeavors.

I can`t wave the love and light flag because I know the soul wearyness this cold , ruthless and greedy business can be about .

There is goodness , much goodness to be had tho . We just need to take the time and "search" under the layers of mud and drag it to the forefront.

Mistakes are made, spiritual lazyness occurs, but we are still the same souls God created and he don`t make no junk

It is a lot of work to re-member who you are and what you stand for. Which is the very goodness I speak of.

Your army is here Dani so lets get gruntled and gusted and break the wall down!

love, juni

I'd like to share these two songs with you searching, the first song because it reminds me that CE is ALL-so like that for you, It ALL-so is " Something for the Pain "


Something for the Pain ~ Redlight King
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmqyorJ6I3A


When the Dust Settles Down ~ Redlight King
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sjiog_o73SY

I am just soaking up all the love from the 's here tonight. It's like dancing beneath a brialliant array of rainbows. Thank you all for sharing...

I am so glad you came clean with us too Dani, and please know you are not alone. I've been very disgusted by the state of the world these days as well. These truly are trying times we are living in, and many are the times I wonder why we have to go through all this pain and suffering.

But then I try to remember that our souls chose to incarnate at this time for a reason and I do believe we'll make it through our trials and tribulations to the side where peace, love and light prevail, and that we'll get there together, somehow.

Great big hugs and lots of love to you Dani, whether you're laughing, screaming, crying or singing. We're always here for you (just as Blue Dove said) no matter what the weather. Same goes for you Enchantress. I hope to see both of you in here more often.

for you, Dear Dani ~

http://youtu.be/9bKwRW0l-Qk

Thinking of you this fine Sunday
morning. {{{ }}}

SolaneStar,

Wow, I have to say you read me well.

"When the Dust settles down" described so much of exactly where I am at right now.

And the first one....."Something for the pain"..it's so beautiful....and right at the end, someone stroaked the back left side of my hair.

I don't know who it was..but I thanked them.

And now, I thank you.

Thanks Juni.

It IS rough out there right now. So many people are under stress. And sometimes it just blows out of them. Me too I guess.

Others are so tuned into their tech world, they are tuned out of the real world.

These are people who call my business.....wait for the beep while they text and check facebook...leave a message for me to call them back and tell them my hours.

What the hell do they think I had on the machine??? That I'm out getting groceries???? Or.... they want me to call them back to see if we might be open on a day that is clearly not mentioned on the machine....so...... *NY accent*...soooo they think I have secret hours? That they just have to guess?????



The need to disengage is deeply felt and well represented in my chart.

But I can't. So there it is.

My next career is going to be talk radio.....and I have about 20 years worth of material....and it's Those People.

Some day, I will tell you about a new classification of
Mother that I have recently discovered.

I work with them all the time.....it's not like they are aliens or anything...but they ARE a class amongst themselves.

The name I gave them is "Bimp"...or 'Bimp Mom'.

Don't be frightened of them or anything....their only real enemy is other Bimps.

But they are a sad lot to watch.

But thats another post.....thanks for listening.

Hi Enchantress299! !

Social Services...wow....so you REALLY get what I'm talking about...and these days must really test you.

Virgo to Virgo.....this IS all a test...I seem to do ok, and then I go back out in public again.

Using it as motivation is about all we can do....I'm not too far from beginning to say exactly what I think....and I'd be out of business pretty fast.

So motivate and move on......right?

Ok...that takes care of today.....now tomorrow...

Maybe I'll just sleep first...

Thanks Hon,

Dani

How've you been?

So Dar has'nt been here either??? That



I hope he's ok too....


....and dealing with John and Jane Public right now is like having 8 balls in the air and 1 racket in the game.

After a while, you just swat anything that moves......

I've missed you too.

Venus...it is SO nice to hear from you!

You're right about the love.....how could I have forgotten?

You're also right that we chose to be here at this time in this place for a reason.....sometimes those in me keep me swinging back and forth between despair and faith.

One thing I know I have to do, in spite of all my Saturn Pluto dances, I simply must lean on my Pluto/Pluto trine.

I am facing big changes right now......and the only way they are going to come out all right is if I do them for the right reasons....part of that is service to others.

I'm just not particularly looking forward to it.

Because they are sweeping changes...in all directions....I have to change tracks to stay on the same train...and we Virgos just love unscheduled stops.

Plus, I'm a little pissed off about it too...well..not a little...a lot.

But I'll be ok....so far so good anyway.....

And it's fun to play with all the icons again...I missed those too!



Dani

And Carrie...it felt funny after all these years calling you by your user name.....

Dani

Lisa,

that song!

Hi Dani,

Oh boy oh boy do I know what you mean about those Libran scales. All too well. I'm so happy to see yours are swaying back toward a more even keel. Sending you great big hugs and huge gobs of strength to continue hanging in there and through those rough transits.

Yes! Do lean on that Pluto trine. The service to others, with yours being in Virgo, surely does sound like the way to go! I bet you'll find many blessing by taking that route.

Maybe now that Mars is moving away from that cardinal Cross the anger you're experiencing over those sweeping changes life is asking you to make will begin to dissipate. I sure hope so. Wishing you all the very best.



PS. I think you'd be great at talk radio! Send me a link if you ever do it! I'll definitely be one of your listeners.

Greetings

Radio is just the career for a Virgo ! It is an excellent way to Serve your fellow beings.



This listener is eager for the bimp mom to be pulled out of the closet and examined... do I need to start the new post or is this hint enough

It is wonderful to see you finding those scales and working through this daily grind we call earth school

hugs, juni

Hi Hon!

Funny you should mention Mars....my natal is 29* Gemini, and with all the rest of the aspects, this was a rough one to keep my mouth shut through.....

And yes, it took a while, but I finally felt the shift, and it let me breath a bit.

Thanks for the (((HUGS)))! Dani

Hi Juni Dear!

Yes, I'll tell you all about The Bimps....even how to spot them in crowds.

In fact this is probably the only safe place to share it!

But you know how I am about sharing all the details, and it's going to take a bit of time to type out.

But I promise, I'll write it soon!

That said, I sing early in the morning, so for now....

You! Dani

I had forgotten about that song,
til I heard it recently on the radio
and I thought of you while listening.


Do Bimps by any chance have cell phones
attached permantly to their ear,
in which they seek constant advice
from other Bimps on how to run every
aspect of their lives,
from which shampoo to buy to color of lipstick
to wear? (while their crying children
are ignored while they talk on the phone?)
These are the moms I observe at work, anyway.

That is indeeeeed, one of the visual qualities easily identified in a crowd, preferably from a distance.

AKA: Group Bimps

Sometimes referred to as a "Group Bimp Situation" depending on the environment.

"Group Bimp Situation"

crazy for sure I bet,
when it escalates to that.

is biz still going well at the Rink?

Maddie is having her birthday party
at our local rink...
the kids are all geeked about that.
Maddie is almost as tall as me now
and so are my girls.


I hope you're doing well these days.

Good Day Searching.

This song is for you my dear.....

At This Point In My Life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4mi5AJEX9M&feature=related

I was thinking about you today

Yeah, I hear ya Dani...

I definitely have been tested the past couple of months. Interestingly, the last week or so, things have died down a bit. A coworker came into my office and gave me a fortune cookie for no particular reason, and the fortune said: "Rough times are now behind you." Call me superstitious, but I hope it's correct. I'm tired.

Anyway, I hope things are going a bit better for you as well. It's good to hear from you. Motivate- onwards and upwards, eh?

Dani (((((((((HUG)))))))))))

Having not been in here for ages, either. Know what keeps me up these days? One sentence coming up again and again: "Don't forget to ask for grace."
It can be done with grace, Darling, whatever comes it can be done WITH grace, we don't have to muster (and to master) all these tests alone.
Been wondering 'bout Courtney lately, having my Sun in the same place I wonder how's she's keeping on to keep on.
Geez, Dani, how long has it been we talked?
I had you A LOT on my mind the last three weeks which was in fact the main reason to come back and have a look.
I didn't like the feeling I had... and this little normally optimistic Sag with Libra ASC and Moon who I am is worrying right now if the "Get back in and look for Dani" has not been a call for help.
C'mon in and let's laugh it all away.
And if all else fails... my old addy is still working - you know where to find me if you wish.
((((((HUGS))))))
Kitty

Kitty

Having been gone a few weeks myself,
I'm so glad in catching up round here
I thought to go further a couple of pages
and see you!
I would have regretted to have missed
your post
and to have lost this opportunity to tell
You hello...
as well as how much you are Loved.
(have always been...through miles and years
and fiery reactions...
the feelings of knowing, caring and fondness
never faded )

I hope you see this
and haven't sailed away yet.

So good to see You and hear you're
doing alright.

Lisa

And now a big {{{LOVE BUMP}}}
for our Dear Dani

If your feelings are true, Kitty,
I pray she hears your call.
And if she's shy to come here,
I hope she contacts you...

I hope she always remembers how
much she is Loved around here

and especially in here >>>

Ok Girls. I know this is where I am supposed to respond.
Look....I had a tough time even choosing an icon!
I just re-read all of the posts from when I started this thread a year ago (!!!????!A year ago??? Really?)
And I am embarrassed I carried on so.
I'm quite closed off right now.
Part of me wants to share all, part of me is too tired.
That's all I've got right now.
I think I'm ok.
I am very grateful for your love.
That's it.
Has anyone heard from Dar?

Searching,

Oooh my goosh did you even notice the TIME of your post here............ 11:11pm


Need I say more

Just saying

Lisa,
no I haven't sailed away. I even saw your response before Dani had answered. But I came back from a jobwise event of two days and I didn't want to do more than just smile in that moment I read you.
Dani... I'm not convinced. This ain't the type of answer which quietens a Saggy and you know that well enough.
If you need me, you know where to find me, that's all I'm gonna say for now.
((( HUG)))
Kitty

Dani, Kitty

"I had a tough enough time choosing an icon!"

lol. damn, do I know that feeling.


What's inside is yours,special and sacred, Dani.
I entirely respect that.
If you're not feeling it,
then that's for a reason.
It's ok. Everything happens as its meant to,
in it's right time.
We can't be late.
We're always right on time.

(though the world might try to make
us doubt even our selves)

Never, ever should we feel bad
for 'not saying enough'
or 'saying too much'.
Because both of those things are really
impossible.
I want you both to know that the connection
I feel to you is beyond
all that stuff...
beyond this place, time,
circumstance, whatever.

To me, the fullness of a silent smile
has immediately filled years.


I've felt closed off myself for a long time.
I can't tell you how many times I've come here
and went to write but logged off instead.
Or couldn't even get beyond picking an icon.

The email I wrote the other day...
it had been SO long since I wrote an email
that I had entirely forgotten how to navigate
hotmail. Seriously.
I don't do email at all anymore.
This is the only place I ever write on the web.
And that's sporadic.

At times, little mind would come in
and oh, the bad feelings it would conjure
(or try to).
Belittlement, guilt, etc.
I see it all now for what it truly is,
separate from what's important and real.
I have faith now that the quiet time was timely
and needed. Right on time.

For it brought me to here and now,
this openness I feel.

Someone once said to me,
"if you're going to assume anything,
then the first thing you should always assume
is that whatever I say to you is
coming from love.".

I thought on that periodically...
it never left me.
Reflecting on it...the prodoundity of it coming to me
at pertinent times...
boy it reveals a lot of the silly mind tricks
we play upon ourselves.
I had no idea all of the bullsh*t I was putting
myself through.

Look at the world around you and most of the misery
that is out there is because we are most willing
to assume the worst about one another.
Rather than to consider love...and pure intent.

Anyway...
I had been thinking of that lately
and felt to share.

Hi Solane....no I did not notice the 11:11.
But I'm not surprised. They took a break in my world for a few years, but in recent months 11:11 has been appearing again.

It's not my focus right now, but it is nice to have it popping up again. I take it as a deep breath and an "OK."

Hi Kitty.

It's not about it being inside, nor even (any longer) self doubt and the frustrations that go along with it in ones soul.

(I just took a moment to write to Dar...I have 2 old addys but I don't know if they are any good...he's been on my mind a lot, along with you and Lisa....it's bugging me....)

As for saying too much......I think it was tacky as hell of me, to be gone from here for so long, then show up and dump all over with no explaination, nor time to spare to stay and share....or at least hit it once a week.

And I know all of you will say it's fine, needed, that's what we're here for...etc.

And yes, that's true....but that was far more psychic vampire than anything else, and I seriously dislike it when people in my world seek me out to do that to me....and they do.

Yes, Yes, 'protect myself'.....I do the best I can....but it's not always as strong as it should be... I am tired and bit overwhelmed by how much of it I am getting these days. It would be easier if I did'nt give a damn.

So for me to flip those roles and be the 'dumpee' is unacceptable to me.

Especially here of all places.

Yes, Mark and I have a lot going on....and some of it really hurts. He and I are strong...we're fine!

One situation in particular leaves a cloud hanging over everything else that is challenging...and the challenging crap that is happening is um.....not really described by the word 'challenging'.

It's not that I don't want to share, it's that all of this has been unfolding for over 4 years, with the peak explosion happening in March of 2010.

It would take so long to explain it all.....and I mentally and physically crash just even trying to think of how to start....

Come to think of it....I've never written it all out...even to myself. Libra flip that and add, 'writing brought about the damn situation in the first place', so that kind of takes the joy out of writing about it......

I don't mean to be so cryptic, it's just too too much to do the details that I do so well.

So here's a summary, the first being the worst, the rest in no particular order.

Since our oldest son married, he has cut ties with his mom and dad, and with rage and anger to me, his step mother.

His then, wife to be, sat at our Easter Dinner table in 2008 and said "He'll do what I tell him."...and indeed he does.

I understand that at this time, he is thinking with the wrong part of his anatomy...and that until he gets past that and sees his father, his mother and his stepmother thru' his own eyes...this is not going anywhere.

I have many many many many many..
thoughts, evaluations, readings and psychic intuitions in regards to our daughter-in -law.

..............

ok...can NOT type what all just went thru my head.

I need to sleep tonight, and if I start listing off those labels....I won't.

Thing 2 and etc.

Our home is in forclosure again.....I think we'll be ok, but it's hard to not be scared.

We were caught up in the middle of the Countrywide meltdown and fraud. The one thing that has saved us so far (this time) is that we are recognized by the feds as victims of Countrywide...it was a risk to go back into the modification, but it was the only way to prove the fraud.

They might sell my house out from under us Thursday 2/9.
2/9/12 is a 5.....we'll see.

I've got a good team....and we have truth on our side....but it's BOA man.....they are pure evil.

Business has really turned around....I am very proud of the work we are doing.
That said..we're still catching up the bills of the crash.

March is critical to make the 2009 taxes.

I've had a lot of health issues come up in the past few years...and I'm not happy about it.

My oldest daughter....has talked my youngest daughter into auditioning for a theatre school in Conn.

While I am proud of the growth of the oldest in the last few years, most of her approach to life is....well...I don't think honest. She's 26 now...and that Saturn return will begin next year....if there's going to be another tidal wave involving Joanne, I'd prefer she leave Courtney out of it.

Court is a different kid.....she'a late bloomer...One minute ,she's years beyond her peers, with that Sag Sun..Aqua Moon.....the next she's 12, asking me questions a 12 yr old would ask.... ...and she's SO literal...that Scorp asc shines...

Just once, it would be cool if I could send a child into the world prepared for it.

And I am an amazing Mom in comparison to the Bimp Moms I see at the rink..oh my stars what a mess we'll all have when Those kids hit the work force!
At least we can count on them being job security for all of us.

And I am fighting a law suit from dell computers.

That's the big stuff.

And I feel like my summary will raise more questions than it answers...

I AM ok. My rant here last summer took place 3 days before my diagnosis of diabetes...I have it under control now, but it definitely was NOT under control when I wrote the August posts.

Forgive me for worrying any of you....I am not the only one with big shit happening....ask me about my customer Cindi, or Shelly, or Kim, or Nancy, or Donna, or Jacob, or Jim, or Darrel, or Jenny..or even Jenny's Mom....then we have the suicide by cop recent event of Mike ....oh and a new priest at church, that's interesting....and my 2 rink kids who were taken away from their mom over Christmas vacation by DPSS......she's hooked on meth...her little daughters eyes are so vacant...Bailey is 6...and she just leans on me...then she's off acting like a normal kid...what IS normal to this child?

But my daughter-in-law and my son don't want me around their kids.

HHmmm....I have 500 or so kids go through my hands weekly...that's 500 parents who DO trust me.

Still it hurts.....and it's hard not to feel hate. And I hate feeling hate.

Yes. I am tired. And I am not making enough time for me.
I did tonight so as not to worry any of you....and now look....it is after 3am here in order to do that.

That's a big part of it all too.

I miss all of the things that were good for my soul.

I got really really sick in 2009....and some of it has left permanent damage.

I lost all those 'good for my soul' things back then....and now in order to put them back in my life, I have to give up sleep....and that's the last thing I should give up right now.

My alarm goes off in 5 hours....

With that....I love and miss you all....

Love, Dani

Dearest,
I didn't want to push you or to rush you or to put pressure on you in any way.
I'm sorry for you having had too little sleep, but, in a strange way, I feel "better" now that I know my alarm lamps didn't go on for "nothing".
It doesn't help you, by no means, and I know that I haven't "heard it all", by far not...
But in that strange way it feels better to know that and know as well what to pray for, instead of knowing that sth. 's definitely wrong and to not have any clue at all about the "what".
You're in my heart, head, 'n prayers,
Kitty

..and lol....I just lost the brakes on my car....

missed the garage wall!

...and the bird in the garage.....

never lose your sense of humour,eh?
Hug you,
Kitty

Oh I had to laugh....I originally had an appt. that would have had me on the freeway...but plans changed...so I ran a quick errand and came back home.

If you are going to lose your brakes....losing them in your own driveway is about as safe as you can get.

My guy came and got the van....she's back in the garage with 2 new brake lines and brakes that actually stop the vehicle.

It seems like that's how everything is right now...1 thing after another.

Ok....you girls might have just joined the prayer team for our mortgage crisis....but you are invited to the celebration party!

I came home from the Dr. today to an email from Amanda.

Amanda is the young lady who was assigned to us last October by Bank of Americas' home loan servicing/modification dept.

We've done modification 2 times.....once with a bunch of idiots and once with Amanda.

The local bank mgr explained to me that BOA had been targeted by the current administration for having f****d up the modifications so badly that 94% of their modifications were being denied.

A number backed by Dave Ramsey.

When we went through the original modification in 2010....it was a freakin nightmare. It actually started it in the spring 2009...and it took until Sept 2010 to 'modify' the loan by pennies.

We did our best, but there was too much debt that was not addressed...if we paid our bills, we could not make the mortgage, and if we paid the mortgage......etc.

Dell computers actually changed everything....

I battled them for months over a payoff plan. They were total assholes.

Then I decided to be THEE Total Asshole and went off unevolved Virgo List Style, and really made things worse. They took every dime we had. They took our savings, our checking...they took my kids money too.

It was sorting that mess out with the mgr. at our local BOA branch....that not only helped us to decide to try and modify the mortgage again but it also lit a fire under my ass to address The Big 8.

The Big 8 are the 8 accounts/debts that received no money from 1/09 until 11/11.

The Mgr., Jennifer said that that BOA had gotten it together and that we would be assigned 1 person to walk with us through the process.
In other words, someone you can develope a relationship with.

The big crash hit the country in '09....but we had our own in 07...the big crash just made it worse.

Marks income dropped really hard....mine stopped all together.

We took a hit of almost 2K a month by the end of 2009.

To make things more complicated and worse, before our crash, we put a new roof on the house...we tapped our equity to do that.....that raised our payment by $105.00...do-able before the crash.

This house has been in foreclosure 3 times since 2008.

My plead in the 'new process' was the drop in income in cj. with the fraud of Countrywide.

We were with National City when things started going bad. They sold us to Countrywide 3-4 months before CWide went bellyup.

BOA took over Cwide...and when our numbers arrived at BOA, our mortgage was no longer + just the new numbers after the roof....it was $250.00 more beyond that $105.00!

You would not believe how much time I have spent on hold in the last 4 years....time that could have been used for say.....yoga.....I miss my yoga.

No matter who you talked to, you gave them the same stuff.....we sent in the same forms 2 times a month. We sent them in the fedex envelope they provided....we faxed...in later months we did both.
Mark and I heard their script so many times, we would point out when they skipped a line....and they did!

We filled 5 steno pads with notes of each conversation.

I had people tell me we had the wrong fax number....that they don't work with fedex......'please re-send'

What they try to do is wear you down......so that you give up and then everything you owe is due NOW.

I thank God for Dave Ramsey who kept me focused.

Well, Jennifer told the truth and Amanda walked with us through every step, she acknowledged the odd ball income we have because of the rink, she saw the numbers and how they changed for no reason....she saw how hard we fought thru the first 2 forclosures....

Today, Amanda told me that our modification has been approved.

As of March 1st....our mortgage will be $335.00 less than the fraud amount that arrived at BOA.

That's better than the amount after the new roof!

What's even better is that we have been preparing for this to go nowhere....to either reinstate the current loan which means $$$$ Right Now, or to pay to move. So I already have $$$ in place.

I'm sure it was helped along by the fact that the USA Gov. sued BOA/CWide....and we received a settlement check....less than a $100.00....and not enough to even feed a family of 4 for a week.....certainly not enough to help anyone who lost their home.....but it proved that even the Feds recognized us as victims of the CWide Fraud.

All that aside.....now you girls have the big info (if not the details I could give) on 1 situation that has taken me to my knees.

I know a lot of people are uptight about Saturn rx.....but from the start of it, I kept thinking how it COULD right Wrongs.

With the whole Uranus Pluto thing going on, I know it's a rough time to sign any contracts.....but you know what?

My brakes Could have gone out on the freeway.....instead it happened in my driveway AND I missed the bird.

Everything keeps going wrong.....but everytime there is a blessing in it.

The last 4 years have been a nightmare.......just a nightmare...

It is'nt just about where you live.....it's the lilacs I planted when I was pregnant for Andrea.....baby lilacs of the bushes my Mom planted around the rink when she was pg for me....

It's the hummingbird/butterfly garden that started as a tuft of daffodiles 20 years ago, that now is my Feng Shui dragon...and memory garden to Marty and Todd.

It's a terrible feeling to walk that garden and wonder what you can dig up to take with you.

There are many things I still have yet to fix....but this one....this one.....this was won by prayer, white light....FAITH...Honesty, Integrity, Truth,

And also by giving! !!

Dave Ramsey says a clenched fist does not let any $$$ slip away from you.....but it does'nt let any $$$ in either.

And money is fluid....

So in Faith, I began paying The Big 8....even tho' we could not afford it.

In Faith, I squirreled away $$$ to reinstate or relocate.

In Faith....when I would picture digging up plants and packing my books...what I would throw out...what I would keep if we had to move....I would shake that off and start thanking God, His Son, the Arch Angels, All of my Spirit Guides, My Mom & Dad and my Guardian Angels for helping me save my house.

The money appeared. Mark got 2 raises and a promotion....people started skating like crazy and I was able to not only pay myself a bit, but also catch up on back pay.....the greenhouse $$$ is just around the corner....

I learned to Have Faith....to Give even when I need to receive, and to care for others when I am a whisker breath from needing the same care I am giving.

You guys witnessed my emotional meltdown before the physical meltdown.

I stayed away because of a sense of......I guess hopelessness.

You have rallyed around me in the last few days.....and I think....Kitty....if you did not get 'warning lamps' before this last few weeks....it shows how much I closed myself off from all of you. Because, I have been 'in trouble' for a while.

To me....what I have just written is a tiny bit of what has been going on.....to all of you, it might be a book......

But as for the last few days.....being back here again....

I had no idea how alone I felt until I began to open up to all of you again.



I had to start a FB pg for myself, because I needed to have one for the rink...and it was the best way to learn how to handle FB.

We have to be so 'presented' on FB....it is truly a relief to just be me.

I love you all.....and girls, get ready.

I'm back.

And I've learned a lot in the last few years.

OK....that's the mortgage update......I can't tell you how tired I am from writing that out.......

Dani, you and Mark sure have been through hell and back

The theme I noticed throughout your posts, have been the WE. You and Mark, as a united team, have defeated the strikes life has dealt you.

Together in Faith, you two have accomplished what has torn entire families down and squashed them.

You both have my undying respect and gratitude. Both for staying the course in Faith and Love and showing how it IS done.

Keep strong, carry the love and faith and thumb your nose at what some call "defeat"

As alway with , juni

Hi Dani dear,

I came here this morning to offer my prayers and to send you lots of Love, Light and positive visualizations for tomorrow to go so well for you and everything to work out beautifully. And then I see your celebration post today and am so happy and relieved to be able to celebrate along with you instead. You kept the faith and you were blessed. I am so full of joy for you and your family right now. And so, so glad that you are back. You have been missed so, so much. Love, love, love you!

(((Hugs))), Dani.

Well done!

To tell the truth... not having gotten the warning lamps sooner might as well have been due to my own situation. I was in hospital from mid Oct till beginning of Dec, my Granny who kind of raised me is dying slowly and the hard way of liver cancer after having had a stroke, my father's bro died from a brain tumor last March, and so on and so forth... in truth, Dani, I sometimes didn't know what just was the warning for the next situation and what was paranoia...
So I sometimes just started to block what I felt for pure fear of even more...
Yet, as you said as well...it was faith, humility, prayer, gratitude and grace which kept me going on.
But I had not much energy left for psychic flashy ties... I was too busy just doing a day at a time.
But when the calendar changed to 2012, I became quieter and could "tune in" again.
Dancing for life, my dear!

Kitty

The universe has your back, Dani. always.
Even if everything (seemed to) fall away,
it still would.

But I'm glad it didn't.

Kitty ~

I think we went to hell and back more than once!

As for the We....yes.....and no.

Mark will run from the hashing out of numbers any time he has a chance.

But he did work his bloomin arse off......

He got a raise a work and at his church job and he does tons of 'odd job' type stuff for seniors at our church.

Plus I put him to work at the rink sometimes too and he gets paid for all of it.

But to get him to sit down and say, 'ok this guy gets $5.00 and this guy gets $8.00...and this guy get's $10.00'......no, I'm on my own.

On one hand, I feel like 'Hell no! Look at the mess I've made of this!'...on the other...'hey man, we pulled it out of foreclosure 3 times! We took on BOA and won!'

But I WILL Keep the Faith.

I don't know why it bothers me that I have to make these choices alone....at the rink, my sis does what she's good at, and I do what I am good at and no one says 'hey I had to do this alone.' So really...what's my problem?
hhmp. Maybe just fear.

Man Juni, it's nice to talk to you again!

Thank you my Dear Dear Venus!

I have to start putting back in my life, that which feeds my soul.

Several times now, I popped in with the best of intentions to stay after going MIA.

Talking with all of you again, feeling the love I did'nt realize I was missing..... I need to stay.

CE has too many that have disappeared. We all know we are in for big changes and we need each other.



I love all of you so much!

Kitty,

So we both closed off eh?

It might be that if we started asking around, we'd find we're not the only ones who felt the psychic and spiritual repression and need to 'go under'.

And if you had health issues too......oh man...it becomes about survival when you're sick!

"I sometimes didn't know what just was the warning for the next situation and what was paranoia...
So I sometimes just started to block what I felt for pure fear of even more..."

Yeppers! I got so I did'nt even want to touch people.

There was'nt time to do yoga, or meditate....and my prayers were on the run.

The late night fear that would wake me and the angry, hatefilled thoughts that would leave me tired the next day...

I was always happy for the Sun.
In the sunshine, I could shake all that...

When you are dealing with what you've been going through, you've got to stay focused.

And baby, I shut myself down. You could'nt have read me from the next room. I would not have allowed it. My guard slipped sometimes, but in too many directions.....I needed to protect my head and my heart.

And I totally agree with the turn into 2012! That's how I've felt too!

Is it the Uranus/Pluto thing? Maybe Neptune......It feels more Neptune-ish to me...

I have welcomed the Saturn Rx...I might regret that truth later, but right now, I say 'bring it...I ain't a skeered'.

But yes, a sense of calm has come over me since 2012, even facing this mortgage thing.

Like flipping the page of the appointment book, straightening your bra straps and saying "Next?" With a calm, cool and collected feeling that's real, not put on for an audience.

I'm sorry hon, for all the losses and stress you've been through. And I'll put your Grandmommy in my prayers.

Dani

Lisa. Dear Dear Lisa.


&

Dani,
I SO know what you mean with closing off and the guard and the focus. Knew you'd understand.
Hey, I'm soooo happy to read you and Lisa again.
Anybody in for a group hug?

Kitty

I am!!!!



I feel better just being here again.

So do I, Dani.


Kitty

Joining in the group hug and sharing the Love with you beautiful and amazing 's You are so right Dani, we do need each other more than ever now. I'm so glad you, Kitty, Moonflower & Maria (and any others I may have missed) have re-appeared and are hopefully here to stay. I hope some of the others who haven't visited in a long while feel the Love and return as well.

Awww.

This is wonderful!

Work was intense this week.....but I MADE time to come here for a bit tonight.

And I'm So glad I did!

Venus and Jup,and the Moon are brilliant tonight here....

Even Mark said "Wow. That's awesome!"....I (of course) 'splained..."That's Venus, that's Jupiter....the Moon is in Taurus."....he said it did'nt matter what the names were, it was beautiful.

We'll keep this going now....as Raffiki said in The Lion King,


"It is time."

And while we're all gathered, my gut still twists when I think of Dar.

Does anybody know anything about him?



Dani

I get a big smile when I think of Darwin. I'll bet we'll see him soon. I don't understand the gut twist?

Maria

Never heard anything from him, Dani, sorry. We weren't so close anyway, but no, no sign.

Anyone heard from Suchi, Terri and Steph?
Love,
Kitty

Hey Dani

So glad you made it back around... it only took a couple of nudges. And it looks like you are staying around. I'm so happy!

No Darwin yet... humm... his ears should be buzzing! I sure hope he's OK. When is the last time anyone talked to him?

Hi Kitty!

I've only seen Terri, Suchi & Steph on facebook. But Steph's rarely ever on. She had a baby and has been busy being a new mommy I guess. I've tried encouraging the others over in the past, but haven't had much luck. Maybe with everyone else coming around they will too.

I don't know 'Ria....it just does.

I've got Terri and Suchi on FB too...but not Steph.

I did'nt know she had a baby!