A Few Good Men

I was wondering if there were any men out there that would like to share their experience about other male friends and how it is for them to be close to a male friend. I have never been close to a lot of men having only one or two in my life at a time. They have always been the competition and the enemy. Something in my way, or someone to get ride of.
That's partly from my up bringing and partly from spending 30 years in a dysfunctional institution called Hi Tech Industry.

Mainly, as a grown up, I have always had a male Aquarius friend. I think it is because they don't get involved much and only come around in a blue moon. Like Gene, I could call up this guy who is ten years older than me, if he is still alive, and start talking as if it were last week. I haven't seen him in 5 or 6 years. He was an interesting man but so detached.
He was a ski instructor for ski instructors and the last time I heard him talk he was going off about all the crowds at the ski lifts. So he was never going to go skiing again. I told him to retire and read more. He didn't. He got another computer job, down town, as a security specialist. There is nothing like a big dose of high stress to help your spirituality along.

Another friend of mind, since the 7th grade, calls me up about every 8 months to a year. I went over to see him in Nov of 99 and he was home alone. He cooked me dinner and showed me his house. He fixed it all up by him self.
He called me about a month ago to tell me to turn on the TV and look at a comedy show. He said he thoht he saw my EX in the audience. I never did see her as the show is taped and the audience changes every other scene.
But we talked for an hour and LOAO.

Why is it so hard to get close to men? What do they expect from a male friend? Why are they always talking about sports, fishing, and cars? Why do they tell dirty jokes that aren't funny? Why do they think they have to be so tuff?
Where do the real men hang out? Is all they think about is concurring the world and classifying everything, dividing the land for gain and profit, making money, buying hardware and gadgets and killing animals?
Why are they so mean to their wives and kids?

Darwin

Dear Darwin,

I know I shouldn't be here because I'm not a guy, but I think I can help a little.

I can relate to what you're saying because I have enjoyed observing the opposite gender for most of my life.

There is a type of man who is sensitive and would like to relate to all other people, men and women, beyond the superficial level of sports/cars/stuff etc. This type of man is not afraid to start discussions about things that are typically almost taboo! The conversations probably pick up gradually from a certain "safe" starting point. And I've observed that most men open up once trust has been established. There is probably a sense of relief that someone else took the initiative to reach out. Such a person can help other people stay close to their humanity and be connected more deeply to their inner selves and others'. It would follow that friendships would be deeper.

Not everyone wants to relate with others deeply. Maybe they are afraid of looking at themselves or afraid if they look deeply they will not find much there!

By the way when I told you the above I was thinking of one man in particular. He is very much a "tuff guy" type, just so secure he figures he has nothing to lose by being open. He also has tons of friends. Sometimes some friends disappoint him by not staying in touch, but overall his friends are very loyal.

Hope this helps.
Love, Piscesdreamer

[This message has been edited by Piscesdreamer (edited 02-25-2001).]

Darwin...are you STILL in the closet hehehhe

Na only kiddin..I do think it's kinda funny your not a guy's guy. Anyone would think you are a Libran hehhehehehe

Lis

Darwin,
a few years back, I found myself becomming very overwhelmed by my female friendships.
I was going through a period of reflection and I really wanted to be alone, for time to myself. I mean it was so much work! The everyday calls and updates! lol
I found myself somewhat jealous of my husband's relationships with his male friends. Those guys could go for months or years even, without speaking and pick up a phone and pick up where they left off. No stress. No hassles. No obligations.

But, then I got to thinking about his friendships and what they were really like.
The talks about sports, or their jobs and stuff, but nothing too deep. In times of trouble, my husband would come to me for empathy.
Guys can't actually go crying on each other's shoulders, ya know? What would people think? ha ha

So, anyway, I learned that even though my female friendships were a lot of work and commitment, the deeper connections that came in the long run were well worth it.

Typical that you got all female replies?
he he he
yackity yackity yak...
cheers, Lisa

ha-ha-ha, only women here
Darwin, you a lucky guy

Hello Darwin,

There's something I've really wondered about. A gal will have a bestfriend in whom she can confide all her weaknesses. Somehow gals have the ability of trusting another human being not to take their weaknesses and use them against them.

Men on the other hand will find someone pouring out their sorrows to them as weak and try to stay away from them. Maybe out of the fear that 'DENIAL' as a word might disappear from the dictionary.

You see we live in denial. We keep our sanity by living in denial. We love denial. It's what makes us men.

Anyone trying to mess with this status quo is frozen out of the congregation. That's why most men abide by this unwritten rule. They don't wanna be frozen out!!!!

Sport, fishing, cars are all cover-ups. They would rather be phony than be called weak.

I have many male friends and females, but I think I become a different person while talking to each of these.

Blame it on testesterone, instict, or even the male psyche, but we guys will always be guys. Sensitivity and sharing are great as tools for getting a date, but they are your worst enemy if you want buddies.