hello again
AND GOD CREATED WOMAN........GOD CREATED MAN BELOW.....
>You DO know what would have happened if
> there had been three wise
> WOMEN
>instead of wise men, don't you?
<They would have asked for directions,
>arrived on time, helped deliver the
>baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole
> and brought disposable diapers as gifts.
------------------------------------------------------
>God Created Woman. And She was Good.
>She had two arms, two legs and three
> breasts.
>God asked woman what she would like to have
> changed about herself
>and she asked for her middle breast to be removed.
> And it was good.
>She stood with her third breast in her hand
>and asked God what should be
>done with the useless boob......And God
>created Man
>>---------------------------------------
> GOD CREATED MAN.....
>Adam was getting bored & overwhelmed...
>Adam asked God to create something that would cook for him, clean,
wash his garments, keep things clean, entertain him, serve him
faithfully, and give him great pleasure when he so desired.....
>GOD replied that he could create such a thing, BUT..
it would cost him an ARM & A LEG !!
> Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
next
God Creates Pets
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has
provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"
Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, You walked
with me every day. Now I do not see You anymore.
I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember
how much You love me."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion
for you that will be with you forever and who will be a
reflection of My love for you, so that you will love Me
even when you cannot see Me. Regardless of how
selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new
companion will accept you as you are & will love you
as I do, in spite of yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion
for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was
pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with
Adam and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the
animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name
for this new animal."
And God said, "No problem! Because I have created
this new animal to be a reflection of My love for you,
his name will be a reflection of My own name, and you
will call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him
and loved him. And Adam was comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian
angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has
become filled with pride. He struts and preens like
a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration.
Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but
perhaps too well."
And God said, "No problem! I will create for him a
companion who will be with him forever and who will
see him as he is. The companion will remind him of
his limitations, so he will know that he is not always
worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam.
And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed
into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the
supreme being. And Adam learned humility
And God was pleased.
And Adam was greatly improved.
And Dog was happy.
And the Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other!
next
Today's Biblical lesson
> A Preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think
> of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible, and that the
> entirety of the human experience could be found there.
> After the service, he was approached by a woman who said,
> "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS."
> The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere
> and that he would look for it.
> The following week after service, the preacher called the woman aside
> and showed her a passage which read ..
> "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."
next
satans sister
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, the townspeople were in church,
listening to the organ play. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of
the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front
entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil
incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly
gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to
the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said,
"Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years.
take care be well
Lia
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