Hello everyone!
I really needed to write to someone... My best friend is busy, and I really don't think she understands me about this in some ways. I guess you'd just have to be me.

My dilemma is very complex and a bit confusing... I'm torn between two people... yes... probably a normal teenage thing... but... The guy I work with, who went to college and will be back in April is one, and the other is my closest guy friend, who I've had strong feelings for ever since we met. I don't know what to do!

I have always had this strong connection with my friend, who I will refer to as Cloud. From the moment I saw him, well... sometimes it's really weird. We would always run into eachother, just when I'd be thinking of him or really needed to talk to him. And there's always been something about his eyes... I recognized them, though we had only met. It gave me the chills. It's like that feeling people always talk about... when you just know that person will be oh so important in your life. I had the same feeling, though not quite so intense, when I first met my best friend. Cloud and I have become very close since we met... we both brought out the best in eachother, and still do. It used to be that he would only write very simple sentences in his letters and e-mails... Now, it almost sounds like poetry. I love him a lot... perhaps more than friendship.

To add to this... about a few months ago, I hopped into an astrology chat room, one that rarely gets used. I was really upset because I hadn't heard from Cloud in a while. There was this girl in there, who was writing a quote by Jim Morrison of the Doors... the group that Cloud and I both like and always talk about. I thought that was really neat, so we talked for a while, and I taught her some of the basics of astrology. Not long after, a man came on and asked if I would like a free tarot card reading. I was a bit wary at first, but decided to go along with it. The girl I had been talking to had to leave, so it was just him and I. The question I asked was if the guy I liked is the "one" for me. The first thing he did was start giving me a description of him... everything... and I do mean everything!... was exactly correct!!! Then, he just said "Wow!"... and paused for a long moment. I was confused, so I asked him what he saw. He replied that he had never had a reading like this before, and that there were no swords,etc.( the bad stuff ) at all in the entire layout. He said this is a yes... I was excited, and asked him again if he was for certain. The poor guy had to repeat that so many times, and said that this was "a BIG yes", no if's and's or but's about it. This guy and I have kept in touch ever since too, and he tries to help out by using the cards if I'm troubled. That reading really strengthened the knowing feeling inside of me. Especially when, just years before, I had gotten another tarot reading at a small psychic fair in our town. The lady there told me that in a few years, I would meet my soulmate, or the "one" for me, just when I thought I would give up. I've been hurt a lot, and I had forgotten about that reading for a very long time... until I actually went through the whole process, was about to give up, and found Cloud. When I found him, I was in at a crisis point in my life... nothing was going right... I didn't know where I was going, what I should do, I didn't trust anyone very well anymore... Yet, he had my instant trust. As I said, weird for me... Rarely do I give anyone my complete trust. It's just strange too, when I think about it, if I wouldn't have stayed to talk with the girl in the chat room... I would have never gotten that reading... if it is really true.

The other guy, who I will call Pine (he's very tall), is the one I met at work, and who everyone there is trying to set me up with ever since they found out we were really interested in eachother. He's very nice, romantic, kind of has a similar personality to Cloud... but much bolder. I like him a lot... but I guess I'm just afraid. I've got so many thoughts running through my mind. Like, what if I get involved with Pine, and Cloud decides he feels the same way I feel for him? Or, if I go out with Pine, will Cloud become really jealous and push me away? This has happened before, I must add. A former best male friend of mine got jealous that I liked this other guy, and just left me behind, not saying a word. I'm just really scared and confused.

Aside from this... I had a really bad dream a few nights ago. In it, I was coming out of my room and looked down the hallway, which was dark except for the dim light coming from the kitchen stove. At the end of the hallway, there was this faint outline of a figure. You know the color you see after you've looked at a light for too long? The figure was that color, but barely visible... and I thought it looked like the outline of Cloud ( not for certain ). I wondered if it was really there, so I reached out toward it... and it ran at me, jumped on me, and started suffocating me... which I woke up screaming and did not go back to sleep at all.:-p Anyone see any meaning in that? I thought possibly, it could mean that I am restricting myself by holding onto Cloud so much... Or I am really stressed over this whole thing, and it is "suffocating" me. Those are the only things I could come up with.

I've already given Pine's chart on another post... October 7,1978 (4:50p.m.)... He is a Libra sun, Sagittarius moon, Pisces ascendant, with Mercury in Libra, Venus in Scorpio, Mars in Scorpio, Jupiter in Leo, Saturn in Virgo, Uranus in Scorpio, Neptune in Sagittarius, and Pluto in Libra.

Cloud was born May 11,1981 (5:31p.m.)... he is a Taurus sun, Virgo moon, Libra ascendant, with Mercury in Gemini, Venus in Taurus ( I think... it was pretty close), Mars in Taurus, Jupiter in Libra, Saturn in Libra, Uranus in Scorpio, Neptune in Sagittarius, and Pluto in Libra.

I was born July 19, 1981 (12:03p.m.)... am a Cancer sun, Aquarius moon, Libra ascendant, with Mercury in Cancer, Venus in Leo, Mars in Cancer, Jupiter in Libra, Saturn in Libra, Uranus in Scorpio, Neptune in Sagittarius, and Pluto in Libra.... One weird thing I've noticed... my birthtime adds up to a 6... and the people who are the most important to me usually have their birthtimes add up to a nine... like my best friend... 6:03a.m.... Kinda neat.

Anyway... This has got to be the longest post I have ever written in my entire life! I hope I didn't give anyone with enough patience to read this any eye-strain! As I said, I just really needed to talk about this. I wish I had your wisdom!:-) If anyone can see something at all, or has any ideas or insights... pleeaaassseee let me know. I'm so lost. If not, thank you so much for reading this, and lending an ear.:-)It is much appreciated!

Love,
Celeste6

Hi there... I'm not really sure what I should say.. the thing that stood out in my mind the most in your post is to truly follow your heart. Do your best not to be too focused on anothers reaction to your decision. If someone purely does love you then they will be happy if you are happy. Remember, jealosy is only a form of insecurity. I know the difficulties in following your heart, sometimes it seems rocky rather than happy, but it truly is the only way to go. Maybe sit down and write all the pros and cons about going out with each guy.. some insights will come to you and perhaps the decision would become clear. Another good way is to write about your life as if you are already going out with either man. When you re-read it out to yourself you will be able to notify your own fears and doubts, as well as all the positives in it. Notice how all the things make you feel, whether happy or sad...

I truly believe you will make the right decisions, because there aren't really any wrong decisions. Always know you are on the right path at all time. May your inner light guide you.

Be your spirit,

Tyger

Dear Celeste--

Ooooh-- I miss being 18-- 19 was good too-- I was in love all the time--and in trouble too, usually, because of it-- If I could go back in time, one thing I would definitely do would be to relax--do as Tyger suggested, and just follow your heart-- Your heart does know doesn't it? It would be kind of cruel to go with Pine, I think it was, just because Cloud isn't presently returning your feelings-- Imagine if you got involved with Pine, and say, in a month, Cloud decided he DID want you-- what would you do? Chop down the Pine, and possible hurt him deeply-- or ignore that Cloud? Its probably senseless trying to plan ahead for these sort of things-- Goodness, my memory is sure whiring back to the past-- aaaah, 3 summers ago-- the most head over heels time of my life-- For two guys at the same time-- One gave me butterflies & gutflips & made me almost forget my own name sometimes-- He brought me peaches & wildflowers, drew me pictures & we read poetry together-- And the other-- well, the other was somber & serious & very concerned about me all th etime-- I ended up feeling that he was the right one to choose--out of guilt-- and I did love him-- he's still in my life, still very close-- but i spent almost a year wishing I'd followed my gutflip & missing the other- the other, who brought out the innocent devil in me, & made my dreams wake up & start throbbing--

For a long time, I held onto this other, serious, committed, morrally upright one, almost out of fear-- that if I absolutely cut that tie, I'd be completely alone-- & that is so unfair to him-- he deserves someone that isn't settling for him out of lack of a better option--- He is that great-- we all are-- it just takes patience & a lot of mistakes & more & more patience & patience to finally know how to navigate fairly & in your own best self-interest in these matters of the heart---

I'm so glad you posted your message, Celeste. It wasn't boring-- what's more interesting that Love-- the reason we're all here-- the one thing Linda's teachings focussed on above all else--

Believe me, my own love life has been such a ridiculous mess & I've made soooo many wrong choices that turned out to be the best lessons of my life-- I'm only 22 years old & I've already learned so much--

I don't take it so seriously anymore-- in the meantime-- I follow my heart-- it always lands me in the strangets places-- and just go one day at a time-- like AA--one day at a time, and don't let your life ever, ever becme uncontrollable & unmanageable because of it--Love would never behave that way--

Okay-- I've surely rambled enough--
Best of Luck, Celeste-- I'm crossing my fingers for you--

Love Jennifer

its funny while reading your post i kept on thinking you just HAD to be a fellow cancerian...i guess we moonchildren have a very distinctive way when it comes to talking about love and whatnot..

i dont have any profound insights--just relax and realise that whatever happens with these two lovely people will undoubtedly surprise you and teach you many valuable things. Enjoy whatever happens (now if only I could listen to my own advice).

***GOOD LUCK*** with the Cancer--Libra situation! Linda was so accurate with that section in love signs. i always fall for libras--they just ooooze charm--but they can be so oblivious to us emotional cancer gals but i've found in the past that cancer--taurus is a sweet combo...

ok i'll go now before i write my own post on the taurus who i miss.... Love, Julie

Oh thank you so much for your replies! I'm glad I can talk with people who understand me and where I'm coming from.:-)

I am still very lost... and it hurts really bad inside. Last night, I didn't sleep very well at all. I just sat up thinking about possibilities and such... and now I am wondering if I should just take a chance (for once in my life!) and just come out and tell Cloud what I'm feeling, and see if he feels the same. Then, at least I would not keep debating which way I should go. I doubt my telling Cloud would damage our friendship... he is quite understanding... especially with all of my many moods he's had to put up with! I really don't think I can hold all of that in anymore either... It just gets harder and harder every day... and I think about him more and more... everything reminds me of him and what I'm feeling. And the closer I become to Pine, the more I wonder and worry. I don't know if it is perhaps some inner fear of mine that if I let go of him in that way, I will never have another chance? Or, I am so lonely that I am mistaking a wonderful friendship for something totally different. In my mind right now, I can see only one way to be sure... tell Cloud how I feel, and ask him how he really feels about me. Do you think that is a good or a bad idea? I'm really scared... but if I don't do something... I'll never know which way to go, and I'm afraid I'll go the wrong way out of sheer curiosity. Cloud and I did go out together while he was back on break in October... I had to call him and tell him I'd be running a little late visiting him because my family had all just come in... and he replied that it would be fine... then just jumped in and said something like..."Maybe we'll have to go out to eat or get ice-cream or something when you get here." I agreed... my face turned the brightest shade of red, and as soon as I hung up the phone, I called my best friend... crying, giggling, and so excited, I told her all about the conversation that lasted only a minute or two... but made me so incredibly happy.:-) It sounded to me like this was to be a date... The first date I've ever had in my entire life! I'm so glad my best friend let me borrow her shirt.:-)

When I got to his house... I had sooo many butterflies in my stomach... I wasn't really that nervous... just ever so excited. He answered the door... and I was absolutely shocked... he was in sweat-pants! I had never seen him in anything but khakis and dress pants the whole time I have known him. I think I probably blushed a bit.:-) When we finished talking in his entrance hallway for a few minutes, he and I agreed on ice-cream, and went outside. Yet another shock... he went straight to my door, unlocked it, opened it, waited for me to get in, then shut it. I looked at him at first like, "wha?"... No one had ever done that before.:-) When he got into the car, he just gave me the biggest smile and the sweetest look... I don't know...this may sound a bit weird... but it felt like he should be my husband or something at that moment... I was so comfortable, and it just felt right. Well...we got to the ice-cream parlor, which again, he opened the doors for me.:-) He got a vanilla ice-cream cone, and I decided on a hot-fudge sundae... ooo... that sounds good right now... When we got up to the counter, I started getting my money out, and the guy who served us asked if it was together... Cloud said yes. I just stood there for a minute... he actually bought my ice-cream!:-) Cloud turned around and gave me a really goofy grin, and we went to sit at one of the tables. I was just so amazed that he bought me ice-cream... he said before that he never buys anything for anyone. Wow! We sat there for about two and a half hours just talking. Then he drove me home. In my driveway, when I was saying thank you and goodbye, he just kinda sat there, staring forward after he looked at me, almost like he was sad or something...

When it came to Christmas though... I got really upset. I wanted to find him a really neat gift, since he has been so wonderful to me... but he sent me a message saying he did not want me to buy him anything..."seriously", because he was not buying anyone else anything, and did not have the time or patience to even look. That really hurt a lot. I finally figured it out though... I think... he didn't want me to get him something if he couldn't return the favor, because he'd feel bad about it. He is quite stubborn.:-) Wow! I just had a total memory lane thing going on there... sorry! It's one of those Cancerian things... reminiscing about the past.:-)

I don't know what to do. My best friend, a Libra... always weighing the pros and cons... I can tell is a bit worried about me wanting to tell Cloud. I know she doesn't want to see me hurt, but... Well... I'm also afraid that if I spend all my time waiting on Cloud, I'll miss out on something great with Pine... and what if Cloud does not feel the same way? What do you think? Tell him? Right now, I can see no other way... and if it is meant to be... Cloud would probably have some strong feelings for me too... right? Aaagh! I'm thinking too much now.:-p I know my mind's telling me one thing and my heart another... I just have to figure out which is which.

Well... I am going to try and get some much needed sleep now. Thank you for listening to yet another writing frenzy of mine.:-) You are all such kind people! It just makes me feel good that there are people out there who genuinely care about others, and are willing to listen... no matter what the problem is or how dumb or weird the situation seems. Thank you!:-) I am very grateful!

Much love,
Celeste6

Hi Celeste6...
I like reading your posts because you're a lot like my best friend (who I have a situation with that's similar to yours with Cloud, in a way)... you're just a lot "clearer" or something. She can get kind of lost in pure emotions sometimes; she was born the day after you, so she has Moon in Pisces.

Anyway, I have some subjective advice and some objective advice for you, if you want it.

The subjective advice: Go with Cloud. Why? Because you both remind me of me and Sandy(except you would be Sandy).

The objective advice: Go with Cloud, because one of Sandy's best friends is a Taurus, born at around the same day as Cloud. (This person is female, though). Plus you both have the same rising sign, and that's always a good thing.

You have to decide what you need to do, of course... I'm just giving my opinion (which I've learned isn't always welcome ).

Welcome to Lindaland,
Okay after reading and re-reading your posts, only because I got lost in my own memories of a time of what once was.. It sure was nice to be young and have those choices.. Now feelings are not the only thing I have to consider.. anyway.. it seems to me that you in your heart, have already made a choice.. You spoke of your choices and each time was more concerned with how "Cloud" was going to react. You also said about "Pine" that the people at work was trying to fix you too up.. Since "Pine" is off to college, and you won't see him till April, (and this is assuming you haven't commited to either one yet), then why not, follow your heart first, you don't have to say anything to "Pine" regarding "Cloud" until the need arises.
With your Cancer Sun you have the need to feel needed (wanted and loved), and with that you have the Libra ASC, which is why you are weighing each one out, and it being so very hard to make a decision. You love the idea of being needed by both men, but it really hard to make a solid decision because of the fear of lonliness "clouding" your decision making. I think, and this is just my opinion, that if you really sit back and look into your own heart, and ask yourself "What is it that you really want" then your answer will be clear, as for Pines letters, well distance does make the heart grow fonder, but it seems, that for you, that may not be the case. You are "Pining" for "Cloud" while "Pine" is away.. You are young, enjoy this time, you don't have to commit at such an age, take your time and enjoy the people that come into your life, .. lets look at the worst case scenerio..
1. Cloud won't be interested and Pine will find out and leave you alone..
well doesn't that just open the doors for you to meet yet another in your life? You will still have your memories, something no one can take away..

Just my quick two cents. I think you have really answered your own question and just need some moral support: tell Cloud how you feel and ask him if he feels the same. You may never know if you don't bring it out in the open ... maybe he is afraid to talk openly to you about his feelings, too, fearing rejection. In any case you need to let those feelings out and see where they lead. If nowhere ... well, at least you'll know. But my intuition too is that your heart is with Cloud ... to paraphrase the old saw, faint heart ne'er won a fair lad.

Oh, Yes, yes, Celeste--do tell him!!! Do you know that old song "Tell Him" that Ally McBeal used to sing to herself as her theme song? 'I know something about love. . ." Do you remember it? Well, I can't tell you how many times I've hummed it to myself to give me the guts to confront someone with the way I was feeling. . . As silly as it sounds, it really does help to hear music in your head!!!

Seriously, though-- all this waiting & wondering is going to drain your energy-- just tell him-- as my best friend, also a Cancerian, is constantly reminding me: "Jenn, sometimes guys just have no idea what's going on. You have to tell them-- " I'm not saying men are all blind or anything-- just that they don't (quite) as often as women allow themselves to dwell & analyze & their intution isn't always as sharp as ours-- Sometimes, but not always-- I do know some intuitive men-- I don't want to get my-s-Elf in trouble here--

Just tell him & let us know how it goes!!! If he says no, don't worry-- its a sure sign that something more imprtant is on its way to you FAST, and the Universe just couldn't let any of your time be taken up with him.

Good luck, hon!!!

Love Jenn

Ark yourself, which one could you just not do without. Also, usually when people are torn between two people it's because they have not met that one man who truely joins them in body, soul, spirit and also is their best friend. After looking at the signs of all the people involved, I would say wait.. You are still young and constantly things will be changing. You could be in a whole different city,state at anytime, meet anyone. Out of personal experience I can say that someone you are close to and can talk to is important but usually they are your friends. The man that treats you right, respects you, befriends you, protects you, loves you unconditionally and wants to commit to you, that is the one you should pick. Astrology wise I think that people with the same moon sign can become truely close and have many magnetic energy, also whatever sign falls in your 5th house is always stimulating, hope that helps.

Thank you sooo much for all your advice and kind thoughts.:-) Reading your replies has made me feel so much better about the situation. And you were right... I really do feel that my heart is with Cloud. All I have to do now is see if he feels the same... which means I will be telling him, and soon. I feel bad, because I can't talk with him face-to-face... he is in Pennsylvania at college until early May. So, I think I will write him a really LONG letter. Yeah... I must have a thing for long distance relationships or something. The thing is, too, I will hopefully be attending college in Pennsylvania also... I literally found my dream college... between mountains... a river runs through the campus... and there are tons of trees.:-) And... A thing which I did not know until after I requested more information... my dream college is only about thirty miles or less from where he is going! Road trips!...maybe... It all depends.

Well... it's late, and this is about the time I start getting my best ideas and can most easily put my thoughts onto paper... So, I am off. I really, really, really, hope something great comes of this. If not... I will always have a wonderful friend who will stand by my side forever.:-) Right? Right! Say... before I go... going back a bit to my question about the birthtime thingee... How mine (12:03p.m.) adds up to a 6... and how my best friend's (6:03a.m.) and Cloud's (5:31p.m.),etc., add up to a nine... Everyone who is important to me has a birthtime that adds to a nine... Is that just pure coincidence? Or is there some sort of meaning in that at all? I just thought it was kinda neat, and was wondering if anyone had any clue.:-) Anyway. Bless you all for your kindness, patience, and love! I will let you know how things progress! Thanks again!!!:-):-):-)

Much love,
Celeste6

Hi ya Celeste6 Hey, haven't you HEARD there are no such things as 'co-inside-ences'

Soooooo, that means that there IS something in it and hey! Look! 6 + 9 = 15 The Magical Number of the Magican which adds back to a 6 again, the number of LOVE. Well there you go, how about that and we ALL KNOW that LOVE IS ALL and the most pOwerful, transfOrmative 'medicine' that exists!!!!!!!! Just what the Dr prescribed for relationships Celeste

LOve and LIght, moonglow

Hi Moonglow! You know what? I was just thinking the same thing today... the number six and nine adding to fifteen and finally six... the number of love.:-) How neat! We were on the same wavelength!:-) I don't know why I didn't think of that sooner though... DUH! I must've had a brainfart moment or something.;-)

I am starting to write that letter... It's so hard figuring out what to say and how to say it. I know it's something I have to do though. Then I will finally be able to figure this mess out!:-p

Well... I've got a few things to do yet before I hit the sack... So I'll talk to ya later!:-) Thanks and Goodnight!

Much Love,
Celeste6